thewashingmachinepost




..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

"be cool, be suave"

be cool, be suave

it was, to be honest, only a matter of time; it was always going to happen at some point, though it didn't necessarily have to be apple to which it happened. amazon and google were both vying to become the first company to be valued at one trillion dollars, though there's no doubt that apple had a bit of a head start. with recent financial results that exceeded the analysts' expectations, the share price, which has grown by 2000% since tim cook took over from the late steve jobs in 2011, rose by enough cents to take the inhabitants of one, infinite loop to the status of 'most valuable company in the history of the universe'.

someone more astute and cleverer than i, tweeted yesterday a graphic demonstrating just how apple had become the world's most vaulable company. the graphic simply showed a wide selection of lightning cables and adaptors, of which there were a substantial number. of course, companies such as belkin have made a grand living out of providing an endless series of the same at prices often considerably lower than those charged by apple. you pays your money, you takes your choice.

however, joking aside, apple have reached their enviable status by altogether more astute means, much of which has been at the creative hands of jonny ive, the man responsible for masterminding the original, multi-coloured imac, a home computer that all but banished beige from the sitting room and created the death knell for the floppy disk. does anyone else recall the gasps of disbelief when the latter failed to appear under the cathode ray screen?

however, as the internet began to invade every waking moment, the need for a 3.5 inch plastic disk evaporated into the ether. and though choosing a device to undertake computing tasks based on its colour was probably not the most sound of reasoning, it bailed apple out of its rather parlous financial status and set it on a trajectory that culimnated in last week's eye-watering capitalisation. basically, if you include the ipod and iphone in the equation, both steve jobs and tim cook appear to have adopted emigré's motto of 'design is a good idea'.

though i have previously pointed out the efficacy of an apparently similar state of mind at the northern line, it seems that, just like apple, they have refused to rest upon their laurels and the creativity still rolls happily along. i say this, having been impressed by the recent release of their classic cycle t-shirt, depicting sixteen classic jersey designs from the halcyon days of yore. peugeot, raleigh, molteni, bic and brooklyn are joined by others just as important in cycling's rich heritage, all cleverly animated over a dark grey shirt.

for those who have, due to an oddly long, hot summer, lost the implicit secret handshake once offered by the oval tanned patch from a pair of track mitts, here is the ideal substitute. for who but a member of the velocipedinal cognoscenti, would realise the import of such a t-shirt? and should it inadvertently become a conversation starter in the coffee shop (and i see no real reason why it wouldn't), the chance to proselytise could be eagerly grasped with open arms. for £21, what's not to like?

classic cycle t-shirt

monday 6 august 2018

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

sorry guv

ride of the falling rain 2018

today saw the 2018 edition of the ride of the falling rain, subtitled the carl reavey memorial ride, after which, i had every intention of waxing lyrical about something or other of trivial interest. however, along with everyone else in the world, i'm not getting any younger and my ninety-miles around the principality has me simply wanting to curl up in a darkened room until my legs work again.

at this late hour of the day, i doubt that anyone is too bothered about that, so i should be back to abnormal by monday. however, i'd like to offer major thanks to aileen and sam at debbie's, to jackie and staff at ardbeg and to everyone who participated. i hope you all enjoyed the ride as much as i did, and i can only apologise for the good weather.

for those who asked about purchasing a debbie's jersey, here's the link to the purchase page on shutt's website. debbie's jersey

sunday 5 august 2018

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

the wild atlantic way and western ireland. 6 cycle tours along ireland's west coast. tom cooper. cicerone press paperback. 251pp illus. £14.95

wild atlantic way and western ireland - tom cooper

when i lived on the ayrshire coast, waking each morning to views of the isle of arran, that view was all i could offer by way of recommendation, never once having visited the isle in the 25 years of living opposite. i do remember that, during my college years, i would tell my unknowing flatmates that, when the tide went out, we'd walk across to arran. most of you will know that this is a compete fabrication. my first visit to arran was during a cycle trip to visit my parents who still lived with that view of the isle. the quickest way to get from islay to ayrshire was to ride via arran and take the ferry to ardrossan.

happily, the same cannot be said for ireland, the northern coast of which, on a clear day can frequently be seen from the southern parts of islay. in 1998, a collague and i took the now defunct ferry from campbeltown to ballycastle, before cycling south to dublin over two days for the start of the tour de france. my second visit to ballycastle was on a chartered fishing boat, once more for a grand tour, but this time, the giro d'italia, when its belfast start was followed by a second day along ireland's northern coast.

it rained all day, but the sailing was beautifully calm.

wild atlantic way and western ireland - tom cooper

so, technically, it would not be too much of a trouble to take bicycle, baggage and self once more to ballycastle and head west to derry in order to follow tom cooper's prescribed route from the north all the way down the atlantic coast, ultimately arriving in cork in the far south. if you happen to be domiciled on the green isle, you have the option of undertaking a series of individual tours, such as the author's opening gambit; a tour of donegal. this takes the form of a nine-day parcours, averaging around 50km per day, allowing considerable off-the-bike time for sightseeing. of course, if 50km is the sort of distance you'd usually dispatch before a hearty breakfast, you are free to combine one or two of the stages and reach donegal town in time for tea.

wild atlantic way and western ireland - tom cooper

of course, prior to departing, the prudent touring cyclist will have taken care of business, a task made considerably easier by cooper's excellent appraisal of the necessities, ranging from bike choice (a touring road bike gains the thumbs up, or a mountain bike with road tyres) to getting there, where to eat and a comprehensive précis of the region's history and geology.

as with all cicerone guides, pertinent colour illustrations abound, along with box-outs along the way to highlight a particular feature of the town or area through which we will all hopefully be cycling sometime soon. i sometimes wonder if these guides are more rock'n'roll than jazz, detailing as they do, every twist and turn, leaving almost no room for improvisation. but while such freedom of choice might seem attractive when sitting in a fireside armchair in the comfort of your own home, on a wet and windy day on ireland's west coast, being led by the hand through every twist and turn would probably be even more comforting.

wild atlantic way and western ireland - tom cooper

the daily distances portrayed are well within the powers of any competent cyclist, even if riding with luggage is not your normal practice. let's face it, cycle undertakings such as those discussed here, will likely form part of a holiday; who wants to bust a gut when on vacation. tom cooper has astutely provided a complete section entitled waterproofs, one which commences "be prepared for wet weather." as one who resides but a matter of miles north of ireland, i can testify to that. this point is reinforced under the 'tent' heading: "Sooner or later, there is going to be a downpour..."

though i've yet to undertake even one turn of an irish touring wheel, i cannot deny that i actually quite enjoyed reading this guide as bedtime reading, even if the word 'reading' is a euphemism for 'looking at the pictures'. if this is a bike ride you think would suit your abilities and sense of adventure, mr cooper's guide would be an indispensible accessory atop the bar bag.

wild atlantic way and western ireland

saturday 4 august 2018

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

the road book

vˇlofocus road book

it may be as well that government currently shows no sign of compelling the average sunday morning peloton to examine the number of women amongst its ranks. we, in the velo club, in such circumstances, would be found seriously wanting. there has been the odd sunday when a spouse has joined the merry throng, but such instances could easily be accommodated by less than half the number of sprockets on an eleven-speed groupset. we are, not by choice, an all male bastion of velocipedinity and were legislation introduced forbidding such single-gender activity, i doubt that we'd be the only assembled multitude to disintegrate.

vˇlofocus road book

in an ideal world, there would be only cycling; any need to discriminate between pedalling enacted by males or females, would be wholly unnecessary. but far from this being yet another outward display of male dominance, it is, we are reliably informed, a simple matter of physiology. bluntly put, the female of the species is largely incapable of performing on the bicycle to the same limits as us blokes. admittedly, this is a sweeping generalisation; there is no doubt in my mind that there are a sizeable number of women who could leave me standing, en-route to a soya cappuccino at debbie's.

but we are here discussing the capabilities of trained athletes, the fairer of which are reputedly incapable of attaining or sustaining the speeds and distances achieved by their male counterparts. as one with less than any relevant experience concerning human physiology, i can but accept this contention as true. yet, that hardly explains the existing disparity between the male cycling calendar and the relative paucity of the female equivalent.

vˇlofocus road book

though it's a subjective viewpoint (but one also expressed by mark cavendish), many recent high-profile women's cycle races, such as the cyclocross worlds and the tour's 'la corse' have produced far more exciting racing than many of the stages in the recent male-only, tour de france. on the converse, it could be a case of 'careful when you wish for'. team sky's budget is substantially greater than that of their opponents which, it is claimed, has led to less than exciting racing due to their domination at the pointy end of a stage. a financial ability to recruit the best riders to serve team leaders thomas and froome has led to the sort of formulaic competition often seen in formula one.

vˇlofocus road book

women's cycling, in contrast, suffers from a distinct lack of cash, many riders effectively paying to have a professional career, compounded by the uci's lack of a minimum wage for women's cycling. and with a concomitant lack of tv coverage, the potential for an increase in sponsorship is likely to remain minimal. but that is to paint a rather pessimistic picture of the female side of the beautiful sport. despite little tv exposure and monthly magazines that often seem only to pay lip service, there is still apparently healthy female sporting activity in the saddle. were this not the case, vélofocus photographers balint hamvas and sean robinson would have had a considerably harder time filling the 240 pages of their 2018 'road book'

now in its second year of potential existence, hamvas and robinson have returned to the kickstarter shopfront to accumulate the funding required to put their imagery into print. with deliveries due around christmas this year following their final imagery at the tour of guangxi, you have just over 30 days to make this year's publication a reality and perchance, bring the possibility of just bicycle racing a smidgeon closer. you know the drill.

the road book on kickstarter

friday 3 august 2018

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

art for cycling's sake

hommage au velo - jan ullrich

it is common practice in the art world, at least, those concerned with the painterly approach of the draughtsman, rather than with floating a shark in formaldehyde, to make studies of the great masters. those masters can vary quite substantially, depending on your own predilections or, in my case, those of my high school art teacher. he very definitely favoured the likes of albrecht durer or rembrandt and though i have no specific recollection of making copies of their works myself, many others in the art class were so proscribed.

even highly respected modern artists such as leon kossoff and frank auerbach still visit the national gallery, spending hours studying or copying many of the great works on display. as i remember, there were tentative steps to encourage continued studies when at art college, but once again, i do not recall being a willing or unwilling participant.

there is, of course, great store to be set by making such studies; artworks in those halcyon days of thin glazes applied with small sable brushes, often took years to complete. artists such as rembrandt, durer and vermeer were gainfully employed painting commissions received from royalty, nobility, the church or the richer of the city merchants, usually involving the inclusion of same and members of their family in a religious setting. or, perchance, satisfying a narcissistic need to have a portrait to hang above the fireplace. subsequent x-ray examination of many of these impressive works of art have revealed laborious underpainting and often wide variations in composition from that seen on national gallery walls.

hommage au velo - van gogh

one of the implicit requirements of any painter is a command of both perspective and composition; the former, being a lowly branch of geometric science, can be taught, but in all my ministrations over the years in both drawing and photography, i still have serious doubts as to whether it's possible to teach composition. however, assuming the would-be artist to have at least a rudimentary grasp of the subject, studying those generally recognised as 'great' ought best to instil a greater command of the art. thus, rather than simply staring at a painting for hours on end, the supposition was that making as near a copy as possible, would reveal the secrets of the black arts by means of visual absorption.

hommage au velo - marco pantani

and then, there's chiarascuro, or light and shade. it is incumbent on any painter worht their salt, to comprehend the various ways in which light describes the scene in front of them; how the shadows can describe three dimensions upon a two dimensional surface. woe betide those of you who thought it merely a case of squeezing a few tubes of paint onto a palette, before making merry with a paintbrush.

but what of the subject matter? the need to earn a living frequently meant that the artist had little choice but to embark upon painterly depictions of individuals or landscapes, perhaps not of their choice. modern painting rarely involves the techniques displayed in the early to middle ages; kossoff and auerbach were, at one time, more emtranced by the use of impasto, frequently resembling a three-dimensional map of the cairngorms when complete. but there are just as many, if not more, who dilute their oils to the fluidity of watercolours. this latter use of the medium was common in works by the great masters, but more precisely applied and often built up over time in thin glazes.

hommage au velo - lance armstrong

just suppose, for a moment or two, that those early centuries had been party to cycle racing, that ye olde tour de france had just ended but a matter of a few days past. would those masters of the canvas and brush have been commissioned to paint portraits of the winners in the absence of photographic evidence, cameras not yet having been invented? chances are, they'd look something similar to those accompanying this article. these are the results of a project by david law, appropriately named hommage au vélo.

currently these consist of the almost forgotten jan ullrich, the pirate, marco pantani, a rather novel take on the career of lance armstrong and a van gogh representation of a night-time bike ride. according to david, more will follow soon. priced as low as £28, these can be ordered in print format via the weblink below.

it's the vintage way.

hommage au vélo

thursday 2 august 2018

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

money for nuthin'...

the jetsons

in the late 1950s, inspired by australian bamboo exercise hoops, two californians 'invented' a marlex plastic toy hoop, marketed by the colourfully named wham-o toy company. by july 1958, so successful was the hula-hoop craze, that twenty-five million of the blighters were sold in less than four months and by 1960, more than 100 million hoops had been sold. at the height of the craze, principal manufacturer, the carlon corporation was making more than 50,000 hoops each day. bizarrely enough, the hula hoop was inducted into america's national toy hall of fame (yes, really) in 1999.

allegedly the craze for gyrating wildly, while wearing a colourful plastic hoop, died out in the 1980s, a lot later than i can recall being the case, but then, life across the pond is probably a tad different than it is over here. fads such as this generally have a far more limited lifespan; i'm thinking here of those infernal loom bands, several boxes of which still occupy pride of place at the foot of our staircase and previously, those dratted tamagotchis. i still have memories of our kids waking mrs washingmachinepost and i midway through the night in order to 'feed' them to keep them 'alive'.

not every fad, if such is a relevant description, pertains solely to the younger members of society. it's not so very long since every souped-up vauxhall corsa contained a sonic replica of the grateful dead's public address system in the boot, turned up to eleven and with the sole purpose of removing the tint from the rear windows. cars are perennially guilty of succumbing to such fads; alloy wheels spring to mind and who can forget the vinyl roof coating, once a marketing feature on ford cortinas?

in the best tradition of viral events, the cult of the fad has now migrated to the bicycle, though in the finest tradition of star trek scripts, they're bicycles jim, but not as we know them. i am, of course, referring to the now ubiquitous e-bike, a mode of transport that is undoubtedly flavour of the month. i'm very quick here to raise my hand in admission of over-egging the pudding with my dismissal of the battery-powered velocipede, but this relates more to the current (pun intended) thinking surrounding their existence than the bicycles per se.

a friend of mine has purchased a rather fine looking, quality electric mountain bike, purely on health grounds. were such e-mtbs not available, it's highly likely she'd have been demoted to the role of pedestrian. as it stands, she's still able to enjoy the majority of fun to be had offroading. similarly, an office colleague has rediscovered the pleasure of a bike ride aboard a designated commuting e-bike, without the need for a packet of painkillers for her back on returning home. surely 'tis far better to have bums on saddles aboard pedal-assist e-bikes than a more pedestrian existence?

however, at the risk of repeating a personal misgiving at a possible marginalising of the analogue bicycle, it seems that government is in thrall to the e-bike to the extent of bending over backwards financially to assist the prospective e-bike owner to the exclusion of those of us happier to incur all the effort. in evidence, i might cite the latest offer to appear on scotland's energy saving trust website for an interest free loan of £6,000 per household, repayable over four years. as pointed out on the website, this funding is made possible by "Transport Scotland, an agency of the Scottish Government."

scrolling down the page just a smidgeon enlightens the potential scottish e-bike purchaser that they might purchase up to two e-bikes per household, valued up to £3,000, or one family cargo bike capped at £6,000, or an adaptive e-bike of similar value. assuming you take out the full loan, that equates to a monthly payment of £125 for four years. transport scotland also partially redeem themselves by stating "If a non e-bike is more suitable to meet an individual's needs, applications can be considered by Energy Saving Trust on a case by case basis." i'd love to test that by investigating just what they determine by the word 'needs' as opposed to 'desires'.

however, there's little doubt that the principal thrust of this ostensibly excellent scheme is to allow the greater public to avail themselves of the latest fad, one that copenhagenize chief, mikael colville-andersen has described as "nothing more than white privilege gadgets for a middle-class with elitist aspirations; probably the laziest demographic in the history of homo sapiens." he did mitigate this statement by prefacing it with "Some elderly aside...", to which i'd probably add those with health problems that prevent them from riding analogue bicycles to their fullest capacity.

aside from that, i am inclined to agree with mr colville-andersen. i find it hard to believe that the scottish government does not have better things to do with taxpayers' money, than offer it to those intent on a trendy e-bike. if my calculations are correct, assuming every individual north of the border to take advantage of this offer, some £33 billion has been set aside for e-bike purchases. even at the currently very low interest rates, that would earn a not inconsiderable amount, if left in the bank.

mind you, the department of transport's recently announced 'future of mobility' call for evidence strategy has entered 'jetsons' territory, by considering vertical take-off and landing vehicles, so perhaps the scots are not so daft after all.

scottish government e-bike loan scheme

illustration copyright hanna-barbera productions

wednesday 1 august 2018

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

it's not what you know...

etxe ondo skinsuit

one of the hardest decisions facing any cycling club surely has to be that of the jersey design. assuming the organisation to be run by a committee, and i can think of few that aren't, in order to retain some semblance of democracy within the corridors of power, everyone's opinion will have to be sought. this situation is doubtless aggravated should one hapless member of that committee be the jersey designer; far better to outsource the job to either a non-committee member, or a non-associated individual with a flair for graphic design.

though i have never been under the microscope of just such a committee, i do lay claim to having designed one or two cycle jerseys, most recently only one week ago. actually applying colours, logos and lettering to the potential fabricator's stencils takes a matter of an hour or two, depending on the complexity of design. the slower part is achieving approval for that design (or designs). if you're as lucky as was i, there is only a sole individual responsible for approval and they will have asked for only one design. if it's a committee, and you've been asked to submit one or two variations, we could still be discussing the subject this time next year.

etxe ondo skinsuit

but a successful nod towards a finished design is really only the beginning. any one of you who have undertaken a similar process as that described above will know that of which i speak. though the number will vary depending on the time of year, an average lead time for production of a new jersey design is around six weeks. that's likely to be a higher number in the early months of the year, when every club in the country submits their designs for the season's kit.

taking all the foregoing into account, accepting worst case scenario, if you've a notion to alter the club kit for 2019, the best time to start getting designs together would probably be early november this year. you'd figure that, due to my position as a famous member of the cycling media, i'd be able to jump the queue should i have designs on a twmp team kit, but you'd be wrong; i'd simply have to wait patiently in line like the rest of you.

but it does seem that there are those amongst our number who have a great deal more clout than we could ever aspire to. apparently, the simple matter of being word time-trial champion attracts a hitherto unappreciated degree of influence. as last saturday's tour de france time-trial approached, it transpires that unknown and absent-minded chaps or chappesses within the official sunweb entourage realised that they'd no earthly idea as to what they'd done with tom dumoulin's world champion's time-trial skin suit. bright white with long-sleeves and world championship bands around the middle, you'd think it a garment hard to lose. yet, misplace it they did.

etxe ondo skinsuit

fortunately for mr tom, his clothing sponsor (etxe ondo) is based not a stones throw from the pyrenees mountains where, coincidentally, the penultimate day's time-trial was to take place. if it had been you or i who telephoned customer service at etxe ondo to ask if we could please have a custom-made, one-off skinsuit delivered to the start line that same afternoon, it would have been several hours before the laughter died away. and were we to ask if they could apply a couple of samsung logos while they were at it, one can scarcely imagine the verbal retribution.

i seriously doubt it was mr dumoulin who made the call, but, subverting the usual six-weeks lead time and apparently the usual requirement to pay a 50% deposit upfront, the clever basque country designers, pattern-cutters, dye-sublimators and seamstresses not only produced the goods, but had someone drive the 45 minute journey to the start at st.-pée-sur-nivelle and present the shiny new skinsuit by 2pm, one in which tom dumoulin went on to win the stage.

so, if you leave the design and approbation process for next year's team kit a tad late, brush your hair back, adopt a slight dutch accent and repeat after me "hi, this is tom dumoulin. about my team-kit order..."

it worked on saturday.

etxe ondo

tuesday 31 july 2018

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................