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doom and gloom

a local hotelier who once frequented debbie's on a saturday lunchtime, many moons ago, was regularly referred to as doom and gloom. ask whether doom and gloom had yet put in an appearance, and pretty much everyone in the coffee shop knew precisely to whom i was referring. in point of fact, the gent is a very personable fellow, but, like more than just a few of us, never quite satisfied with his lot. making conversation by asking whether the hotel was presently busy, would often result in an answer confirming that residency and custom was, indeed, healthy, but inevitably followed by "but bookings for the next few months are not looking as good." though such enquiries are semantically described as phatic statements, designed purely to maintain the lines of communication, rarely if ever were his replies in keeping with that philosophy.

nine times out of ten, if meeting a friend or acquaintance in the street and enquiring after their state of health, the majority will reply in the affirmative, recognising that the query was merely employed as a social construct. unfortunately, on one occasion out of ten, that person would regale you with half an hour's worth of the physical and medical problems from which they had recently suffered. caveat emptor. but on reflection, i fear i may have become guilty of emulating the doom and gloom part; a brief reprise of recent posts would show them to consist almost exclusively of thinly and not so thinly veiled criticism, leading me to question my own involvement in the velocipenal realm.

however, there could be a simple reason for this.

in my younger years, i undertook to study 'a-level' english literature, through regular evening classes in a local college. this was purely for my own pleasure, you understand; there was nothing then, nor is there now in my career or hobbies that demands copious knowledge of english literature. as part of the course, we studied the metaphysical poets. this was an epithet coined by samuel johnson to describe a loose agglomeration of 17th century poets whose works were characterised by use of conceits and an emphasis on the oratory quality of their works, rather than any lyrical properties contained within their verse. to an extent, johnson's description of these poets was pretty much on the money, and disagreements with his contentions were often hard to come by.

therefore, when confronted with an exam question asking for discussion as to whether john donne, for example, was one of britain's greatest metaphysical poets, it struck me that any answer i might give, was likely to be undeniably brief, verging on the sycophantic. i thus asked my tutor whether it would be pertinent, in such cases, to argue the contrary position, though possibly convinced of the incorrectitude of such an answer. he was quite vehement in his disparagement of such a strategy, stating that such an act would be immediately recognised by an adjudicator, leading to likely failure in just such an examination. however, sure that i could write something of greater substance in argument against the praising of john donne, i went ahead and contradicted the statement at length. and just to show that college lecturers are not always right, i passed quite convincingly.

though not something consciously practised, i fear i may still inject similar elements into my daily monologues, partly as a reaction against the bicycle industry's smug conception that they know better, and partly because i seem to apprehend more and more inventions that closely resemble solutions looking for problems. the cycle industry is, of course, no different than any other in its need or desire for endless growth and continuous product development. along with several other examples, it seems that cycling has become ever, and quite needlessly, more complex and expensive, not because the customer demands it be so, but because the industry is on a treadmill that it is seemingly powerless to stop, even if it it wanted to.

and i don't think it wants to.

so many of my daily monologues are unwittingly designed to highlight certain developments for what they are, and what they probably aren't. more and more do they begin to resemble hans christian andersen's the emperor's new clothes; full of carbon or electric whizz-bang, but ultimately lacking in substance, and almost always, not entirely necessary. of course, your own kilometreage may vary depending on your own cycling aspirations or financial wherewithal, but your bicycle will work just as well with a pair of £400 wheels as it will with those costing £8,500, and you'll still be able to change gear with cables instead of wires.

if i didn't care, i wouldn't bother saying.

sunday 29 september 2024

celebrity culture

in early september this year, islay's book festival took place across a variety of island venues and featured some high-profile authors, including andrew o'hagan, writer of both 'mayflies' and 'caledonian road', interviewed by bbc scotland's political editor, glenn campbell (an islay native), while broadcaster, clive myrie was featured at bruichladdich village hall, interviewed by lord george robertson, also an islay native. andrew o'hagan, during his interview, stated that his appearance on islay was a part of seven weeks of public engagements, while i note that fiction and cookery author, sue lawrence, has featured in several book festivals in the past few weeks.

keen to discover whether the above and others, such as islay's les wilson, guardian and washington post contributor, gary younge, and author of peat and whisky, mike billett were comfortable with transitioning between solitary writer and public personality, i interviewed each for the purposes of publishing an article both in islay's local newspaper and on the scottish beacon website. perhaps i should have also contacted authors who rarely if ever, appear at book festivals for the sake of balanced response, but all of the above claimed to be quite comfortable with public speaking, most of them seeing it as part of an unwritten contract between author and reader.

it's very likely that few of us here have any extant degree of inherent celebrity, but the rise and rise of social media, it seems to me, may be an extension of the so-called celebrity culture, where boringly ordinary people like us, with no specific claim to fame, can play at least a small part by posting images of coffee cups, lunches, holiday snaps and nights out, before sitting back and waiting for the inevitable likes. it seems the more of these that are accumulated, the greater the simulated approbation, despite apparently all being aware that it has become the only socially acceptable response to like anything posted on a colleague or friend's timeline.

given that the majority of sunday morning pelotons across the nation are inclined to dress in brightly coloured, skin-tight lycra, you might be excused for thinking that this also plays its own part in the celebrity culture, but thankfully the reasons for so doing are considerably more mundane. for starters, few swimmers would be likely to enter the water wearing a pair of levis, and for the selfsame reason, cyclists are inclined to wear tightly fitting padded shorts and jerseys with three rear pockets. the bright colours, far from being exhibitionist by nature, are generally worn in the service of being as visible as possible on roads clogged with more and more cars, trucks, buses and taxis. believe me, if i thought i could ride through a hebridean winter clad solely in black, i would.

the prescient fact, at least on islay, that peloton numbers have not increased one iota over at least the past six years, would tend to suggest that the activity is hardly seen as one that might lead to notoriety or even a pale reflection of celebrity. in short, we ride in abominable weather conditions because we like riding our bicycles, not to identify with the rebirth of the cool. yet, there must surely be some underlying desire to be thought of in such terms, for why else would strava go to such lengths to enable the receipt of kudos from our fellow pelotoneers?

of course, in common with much of the rhetoric that fills these pixels, i write from a place of ignorance. though my bicycles are rarely seen without the protrusion of a front mounted gps device, none of that which it records ever makes it further than the display in front of my eyes. when the garmin asks if i wish to save the ride i have just completed, the word yes has never left my lips. so quite what it is that has my peers upload every last detail of their sunday bike rides, despite the continued repetition of exactly the same parcours, week in, week out, i know not. but upload, they inevitably do. and in a move seemingly designed to encourage such behaviour, those fine people at strava have made it even easier to tell the world (though in fairness, they have also made it simpler to keep the world at bay). should the latter be the chosen option, however, i would question the motive not to do as i do, in the first place.

the advent of strava's quick edit, available to all strava users, enables users to decide and easily implement settings determining who can see what, easy upload of images or video, and whether the map of your route can be seen or remain hidden. however, returning briefly to the possibilities of celebrity, strava have made it simpler to provide an activity title which, according to the company, makes it "...almost four times more likely to receive kudos." with that statement, strava may have just hit the nail on the head. though a library of stored rides might offer hours of concentrated nostalgic deliberation, it seems perhaps a smidgeon more likely that ride details are uploaded to boost fragile egos. let's face it, unless you're tadej, remco, mathieu or wout, it's very unlikely that anyone's going to be seriously impressed, no matter how you choose to quick edit.

saturday 28 september 2024

unlimited

at last year's jura music festival, i pointed out to the organisers, that perhaps for 2024, they might consider a change of date, not for meteorological reasons, but for those of logistics. as either the bass drummer or snare drummer with the community pipe band, it has become my role in life to attend the final day of the festival, joining with a samba band to march from the church into craighouse village centre. sad to relate, it is a greater distance than desirable when you have a relatively heavy bass or snare drum strapped to your torso. that said, marching in front of a 14 piece samba band, engenders goosebumps, such are the rhythms to be felt and heard.

however, as the more velocipedinally astute amongst you will have already noted, sunday (29 september) is the date of the men's world championship road race, live coverage of which i have missed for the past three years, hence my request for a change of date. disappointingly, i'm probably the only individual between the two islands who harbours any desire to witness said road race, and probably only one of two who is even aware of its existence. which would doubtless explain why the festival continues to take place over the same weekend, year after year.

once again, i will be confined to edited highlights.

however, this year's event is of importance because the all-conquering tadej pogacar will attempt to grasp the so-called triple crown, having already won the giro and le tour. though i'm no historian, the last rider i can recall doing so would be stephen roche in 1987, the very year in which i moved to the hebrides. we now live in a demonstrably more media-centric world which would likely explain why colnago have opted to produce a limited edition v4rs (perhaps worthy if tadej brings home the biscuits) painted to reflect the victories garnered by the slovenian to date. according to colnago, "The paint-job recalls the creations made by the Pop-Art artistic movement born around the mid-50s in the USA and in the UK - of which Tadej is a huge fan - and is inspired by all the major victories achieved so far by the three-times-Maillaut-Jaune."

though i have occasionally demonstrated artistic pretensions, rarely have these ever included 1950s pop-art, a period of artistic endeavour with which i find little to get excited about. however, tadej doesn't strike me as the sort of fellow open to discussion over his artistic predilections, particularly where they result in one of italy's higher profile cycle companies providing him with exclusive editions almost on a weekly basis. it will, therefore, scarcely surprise you that i find the frame's paintwork to be that which i would be loathe to accommodate in thewashingmachinepost bike shed, even supposing i had a spare £17,000 to acquire one in the first place.

colnago did kindly provide a detailed list of the reasoning behind each graphic detail to be found on the frame (who knew tadej had his very own tp logo?), but i will spare you the tedium of reading that here. however, it is impressive to read of pogacar's accumulated victories, particularly in one so young and likely to continue his career for many years to come. his total of 85 victories, including four grand tours and 14 classics, probably explains why he has remained at the top of the uci individual ranking since 2021. i'd agree that there is a certain boredom to be apprehended where one rider seemingly owns all that he surveys, but to a certain extent, that's hardly his fault or problem, but it does offer echoes of eddy's era, where organisers began considering payment for merckx to stay away and give someone else a chance.

there is no word as to how much of a limited edition this is, but it is available online only from yesterday until 14 october, after which it will be available from a colnago dealer near you (unless, of course, its purported limited availability results in all being sold before we reach mid-october). definitely not my cup of carbon.

colnago.com

friday 27 september 2024

limited edition

having already mentioned last weekend's lagavulin islay jazz festival, please bear with me while i extend the storyline in something of a predictable manner. for those unaware, lagavulin is a single malt whisky distillery situated on the south coast of islay, almost midway between laphroaig distillery and that of ardbeg. though providing the jazz festival with its title sponsor, it is, in fact, one of three distilleries on islay owned by spirits giant, diageo, who also own port ellen maltings, provider of malted barley to not only its own siblings, but one or two other islay distilleries to boot. not unnaturally, and in keeping with the mores of sponsorship, lagavulin generously offer the audiences a dram of their well-repsected single malt (though in the festival's first year under the lagavulin banner, executives from head office disappeared for an evening meal well before the jazz commenced). this year, i believe that the drams were drawn from the limited edition jazz festival bottling, selling for the princely sum of £241 each.

i would be most interested in just how many of those bottles were sold across the course of the weekend. were the numbers to be realised in single figures, you would imagine that head office would already be querying the value of their sponsorship; if hosting a jazz festival on a hebridean island replete with malt whisky distilleries failed to sell limited edition whiskies in suitable numbers, why bother?

there is, of course, little danger that lagavulin will be left holding several cases of limited edition amber nectar in the cupboard for very long. though the ticket price may be £241, give it a year or two, and you might find that the cost of entry has doubled or tripled. certain single malt whiskies are reputed to have greater value as a financial investment than they have as a savourable drink. effectively, someone will buy it.

limited editions have, to all intents and purposes, become part of the lifeblood of several concerns; it seems that the well-heeled general populace can scarcely refrain fom purchasing something of which there is supposed to be very little, either from a sense of entitled exclusivity or, as alluded to above, as a means of generating income in the years to come. however, you would imagine that these limited editions would be of products that are easily collected, stored, or displayed. the likelihood of a limited edition product that actually serves a useful purpose would surely seem to lie outwith the very definition of collectability?

only last week i brought to your attention the existence of ceramic speed's ospw, which consisted of only 200 units worldwide. though i believe it served a remarkably similar purpose as its non-limited editions, the purported restriction of numbers entitled the purveyors to charge a premium. in this case, almost £1800. however, irrespective of your opinion of the efficacy of such devices, it is a product that has no practical value whatsoever, unless affixed to a compatible rear derailleur. and no matter how well the bicycle to which it is attached is looked after, it's a device that will be subjected not only to the elements, but to unavoidable wear and subsequent degradation. therefore, after one year of use, i would think it highly unlikely that it would have accrued value greater than the original purchase price.

yet it appears that this may be the start or continuation of a particular velocipedinal trend.

only a matter of days ago, i received news of yet another new wheel from the lightweight stable, this time the evo obermeyer platinum, so-named as a result of its 'unique platinum finish'. while my experience with lightweight wheels has been exemplary, i never considered them as other than a fairly expensive means of enhancing my bicycle and thus the riding experience itself. at no time did i consider stowing them away in a darkened corner of the bikeshed, in the hope that they might enhance my old-age pension. however, the rhetoric accompanying the latest set of obermeyers would tend to suggest that lightweight are leaning rather heavily towards that suggestion.

according to the publicity that arrived in my inbox, the limited edition obermeyer is "...sure to stand out in any peloton for its pure elegance and exclusivity." apparently "it's more than a wheelset. it's a work of art.

at this point, i believe we have moved away from real life, and entered a fantasy world, where wheels no longer simply provide a means of the bicycle moving in a forward or upward trajectory (the wheelset weighs a scant 1.2kg). yet the worst part is that the obermeyers appear to be the second salvo in a 'metal trilogy' of special edition wheels from lightweight. normally, in the case of limited editions, the idea would be to collect the complete set (though finding an album in which to place six carbon wheels might be a tad more difficult), but given that this particular pair will lighten your bank balance to the tune of £8,400, you might want to be a tad more circumspect in your collecting ambitions.

i now consider my bank balance to be a (severely) limited edition.

thursday 26 september 2024

an incredible lightness of being

while offering a brief history of the ride of the falling rain recently, i believe i pointed out that its origins lie in north america's bicycling magazine, behind which appeared to lie a hidden editorial structure. it is, of course, a strategy every bit as applicable to the remaining number of cycling magazines and, perhaps to a lesser extent, those which now practice their art online. the grid structure will, of course, be reversed for those in the southern hemisphere, readers from which can probably skip much of what follows.

the feature of which i speak is the seasonal programme; in the case of the ride of the falling rain, it was the proclivitiy of bicycling magazine to publish articles along the lines of 'how to ride your first century', the description apparently used in north america to refer to a 100 mile bike ride. it was, i believe i wrote, something about which i'd been previously aware, but never undertaken in actuality. since the implication was that riding 100 miles (or 162 kilometres) ought best be considered a rite of passage for any cyclist with aspirations towards local greatness, i was keen to join the club. of course, despite having read more than a single feature on the subject, i still managed to make a hash of it, leaving home with insufficient sustenance by having grossly underestimated just how hard a century can be for the first time practitioner. should evidence be required for the prosecution, what i had thought was a five pound note in my back pocket, turned out to be a supermarket till receipt, discovered only when i attempted to spend said receipt on some desperately required nutrition.

i no longer subscribe to bicycling magazine predomiantly on the basis of the exhorbitant cost of postage across the pond. however, i was a subscriber long enough to learn that the subject of 100 mile rides was a recurring theme every may or june.

seasonality is, of course, built-in to the velocipedinal lifestyle, with apparel purveyors frequently launching their spring/summer collections in late april, and the autumn/winter alternatives in late september/early october. in fact, just as i sat down to write this monologue, i received a missive from rapha, featuring a darkly clad cyclist with visage all but obscured by the extended collar of a winter baselayer and a winter cap. thankfully, the hebridean meteorology rarely extends as far as the aforementioned apparel would suggest.

the word dark, however, brings with it other baggage, not least a propensity to wear bright clothing for both style and safety reasons. for that reason alone, rapha's imagery failed at the first hurdle. so while the magazines and websites may be populated with darkly-clad riders blending with nightfall and early mornings, they will usually contrast that approach with at least one feature or group test of bicycle lights, leading from the cheap and cheerful aimed at the short-distance commute, to the multi-lumen super-troopers that create a verisimilitude of daylight when hurtling through the undergrowth on your faux-gravel brompton g-line machinery.

there is, of course, a seriousness to the subject of lighting, not least because the law demands that all bicycles feature an absolute minimum of a front and rear light, though as far as i know, there is no defined number of lumens that must form part of the regalia. of course, it may be that the majority of cyclists are already well ahead of this particular game, having been suitably equipped throught the season. those of us in the velo club peloton would scarcely leave home, even at the height of summer (such as it was) without a flashing rear light, and more than one of us has been moved to simultaneously add a powerful front light, either on fixed of flashing mode.

this, as i may have pointed out on previous occasions, is an attempt to alert apparently myopic visiting motorists to our existence around many of islay's single-track road network. though i recall my driving instructor making it clear that i should look considerably farther ahead than the front of the bonnet, experience would tend to suggest that such advice is no longer being dispensed. though we can often see approaching vehicles over a few kilometres distant, it appears that the observation is rarely reciprocated. the addition of a very bright flashing front light was an (often vain) attempt to remedy the situation.

assuming that many other cyclists have adopted a similar visibility strategy, the raison d' être for those instructional magazine articles on the desire and legality of affixing lights as the nights draw in, may well have become moot. the philosophical implications of this are surely ripe for discussion.

wednesday 25 september 2024

sign of the times

this past weekend has been total joy for anyone with more than a passing interest in jazz. since 1999, the islay jazz festival, initially sponsored by black bottle whisky, but now titled by lagavulin distillery has taken place over a three day weekend each september, featuring many of the world's finest jazz musicians in cosily intimate settings, that include bowmore's round church and both lagavulin and ardbeg distilleries. but aside from presenting several concerts that might appeal to folks such as myself, and a drummer with jazz pretensions, i have been fortunate to play at two dozen of these festivals, providing me with a cv to die for, should i ever harbour desires of becoming a jazz star in my own right (stop sniggering at the back). the upshot of this is that each september acts as a bit of an exclusive club, where those of us who have played regularly on islay, are provided the opportunity to renew long-term acquaintances.

however, as the years have rolled past, the organisation of each year's event has changed personality, essentially at the behest of a change in personnel at the top. therefore, this particular year saw the absence of one of the stalwarts of the event, a universally acclaimed bass player whose name was missing in action from the programme. in addition to that, the opening act, usually a high profile band or soloist performing at the old malt mill at lagavulin distillery, was scottish band, azamiah. i will freely admit that, until the brochure was published, it was a band of which i was unaware; i looked to youtube for an advance flavour of what headed our way. i confess to being a jazz fan/musician with a fairly narrow definition of just what jazz ought to be. i would encourage you to look up azamiah for yourselves and see what you think. from my point of view, it's not what i would expect from a jazz festival.

conversely, the final gig, featuring the paul towndrow quartet (paul towndrow - sax and whistles, chad mccullough - trumpet, pete johnstone - organ and tom bancroft - drums) was the very definition of what i consider to be jazz.

discuss.

there is, of course, a convincing rationale for varying the menu, perhaps avoiding a feeling of deja vu every september. i should point out that the word jazz is a veritable conversation stopper on islay; there are fewer than a handful of residents who express any affinity with the genre. the festival works, if that's not too bland a descriptor, because it attracts a large audience from many places that are not islay, all of whom have to stay somewhere, eat somewhere and pay to attend concerts. were it peopled purely by locals, there would be little in the way of economic benefit to be gained.

time will tell how the festival progresses under new management. perhaps, from a completely self-centred point of view, it offers me the possibility to play with musicians of whom i have yet to hear, but given that most of us are somewhat resistant to change, i'd really rather coninue to play and listen to those i already consider to be my friends. and i'm beginning to wonder if brompton cycle are in the process of emulating the islay jazz festival's cunning plan.

as announced on more occasions that is probably necessary, i live a mere five minutes from the office, necessitating a quick walk each morning. it would take me longer to extricate a bike from the bikeshed than it takes to arrive at the office door. though i would dearly love to own a brompton, in truth it would more than likely remain seriously underused. that said, i did come across two japanese cycle-tourists yesterday morning, both riding bromptons, so perhaps i have simply set my parameters too low. however, it is a folding bicycle that not only demonstrates the uk's praiseworthy manufacturing skills, but one that has achieved a level of ubiquity and approbation that is surely the envy of many others inhabiting the same market place.

so why would you change that with which its substantial and loyal customer-base has become familiar? though brompton is highly unlikely to retreat from its ubiquity, is anyone actually looking for a change?

i ask this question as, for the first time in over half-a-century, brompton has not only increased the diameter of its wheelset by four inches to 20", but added a set of disc brakes and an eight-speed shimano gear system. entitled the g-line, the discs are presumably a strategy designed to entice the gravel brigade; the company advises that the hydraulic brakes will equip the g-line "...for all-terrain, all-weather riding [...] as more and more people look to escape the city, exploring roads and trails less travelled." encompassing that terrain will be accomplished with custom-made schwalbe, tubeless-ready tyres, while retaining a similar folding format. it seems that, as islay jazz attempts to embrace the new, whether worthy or otherwise, brompton are keen not to be left behind by the gravel fad, whether it actually makes practical sense or not.

reputedly, the company has tested the new bicycle across both dusty singletrack and "...rain-soaked cobbles" so how long will it be before we witness mvdp and wva fighting it out en-route to the roubaix velodrome, both aboard brompton folding bikes? it should certainly occupy less space on top of the team cars, but how many of us have been awaiting the moment when we could ride across "rain-soaked cobbles" on a 20" wheeled folding bicycle? i only hope brompton understand their market far better than the market understands brompton.

tuesday 24 september 2024