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just when you thought it was safe

for the majority of the over 100 years of the bicycle's history, there has been only one means of velocipedinal involvement; taking the bicycle from the bikeshed and riding it on the open road. granted, the rough stuff fellowship may have added a smidgeon of adventure by attempting to ride where they probably shouldn't, but otherwise, it has been the metalled roadways near one's domicile. but a bit like calmac ferry captains, the ideal of emulating the hardmen of belgium by riding in all weathers has succumbed to humanity's desire for indoor comforts. gone was the intrepid desire to defy the elements, despite security in the knowledge that no matter how cold and wet one might become, there was a warm shower and change of clothes waiting at home.

early attempts to engage the cognoscenti in the use of turbo trainers surfaced in the shape of online spin classes. i know because in the past, a company by the name of fox online provided me with a seven-day pass to access their wide variety of beginners' and experienced training courses, where i affixed my colnago c40 to a borrowed tackx turbo trainer and sat in front of my telly box, hating every minute. that tackx turbo was probably the shortest-lived review product i have ever (temporarily) possessed.

computer technology has allowed the peloton to move on from watching honed individuals shouting at them to inform that they've "got this". now it's possible to inhabit the roads of watopia, where the sun shines twenty-four hours a day, 365 days per year. i've little doubt that there is still a decided requirement to finish off with a shower, but cold and wet are no longer an inclusive part of the equation. i cannot deny, however, that i am still mystified just how those who excel at the latter can find themselves with professional contracts with 'real' teams, on the basis of having ridden quickly in their sitting rooms or pain caves.

however, where once were clearly defined lines between the two implementations of cycling activity, the enthusiastic people at zwift have applied a sturdy blur filter. for now comes the news that outdoor rides can count towards indoor rewards "...allowing users to unlock new virtual equipment through miles ridden off-platform." my major concern would be the attempt to define differences between the two, when for all those years, zwift has encouraged practitioners to consider them the same. it transpires that recorded ancillary aspects of outdoor bike-riding, such as heart-rate and power output can be uploaded to further inform training status and score, thus augmenting the data acquired from the rider's indoor efforts.

apparently those subscribers whose bicycles are festooned with either a wahoo or garmin gps device, will be able to make use of this update, one which zwift ceo, eric min, apparently told cycling weekly, demonstrated "a little taste of where we're going." except, i'm not quite sure that it does. though points are awarded for every kilometre ridden, the conversion rate will reputedly reflect the difference between indoor and outdoor riding. since i have frequently seen zwift referred to as 'a game', will this fact not encourage aficionados to continue with the mode that offers a greater chance of winning 'the game'?

in which case, rather than removing the barrier between inside and outside, as mr min appears to be offering, it may be that the result simply increases the chasm between the two. however, embracing a strategy that might distance any thoughts of watopia being the scene of a particular e-sport, it seems that zwift might be attempting to re-position itself as the facilitator of serious training. in which case, as the precursor of a paradigm shift, it seems they now recognise that outdoor riding might actually be seen as a complement to the more usual indoor practices. the cynics amongst us (me!, me!, me!) might link the announcement of this development with the start of british summer time, where lighter mornings and evenings might be seen to encourage the zwifties to spend more time outdoors and less in front of the tellybox.

remember the days when we just used to go for a bike ride?

monday 7 april 2025

new start

over the years, i have scribbled many a testament to the simple joys of cycling, though i'm inclined to agree that there has been somewhat of a deficiency in such monologues at the expense of matters pertaining more to the cognoscenti. if nothing else, perhaps that suggests that i ought to have been paying closer attention to thewashingmachinepost's demographic, details that might entail material geared more towards the likes and dislikes of those who actually read this stuff. on the other hand, i'm inclined to believe it probably woouldn't have made a lot of noticeable difference.

those of you who already cycle will be presumably aware of the pleasures to be gained and the vicissitudes to be suffered from pedalling hither and thither. the arguable reasons behind stating those plainly in black and yellow pixels would surely be to proselytise to the unwary, who had only clicked the link in a vain search for white goods. in an age when education authorities see qualifications in e-sports as valid pursuits for children, (who, we are regularly informed, are edging closer and closer to obesity), cycling not only offers one of the finest means of appreciating the great outdoors, but an ideal way of keeping fit, maintaining a respectable weight and actually getting you from a to b.

accompanied by images that were surely a contradiction in terms, an article i read during last week, interviewed a pupil attending a school in selkirk, where the aforementioned e-sports has been introduced as a subject worthy of a qualification. disappointingly, while the letter 'e' seemed quite accurate, photos of children sat on their backsides in front of computer screens rather diluted any succour we may have gained from inclusion of the word sports. the text did little to disavow of any apprehensions that might be drawn from the article.

and believe it or not, apparently it is possible to become a nutritionist serving the needs of those who aspire to sit on their backsides in front of a computer screen as their principal means of livelihood. and i thought zwift was bad enough.

however, heeding advice that i should really only pay attention to matters within my control, and exclude those without, i have been all the while looking forward to saturday 5 april. on leaving the golden jubilee hospital in clydebank, glasgow, i was advised by the doctor to refrain from any velocipedinal perambulations for a period of four weeks. technically, that was last weekend, but in order to devise a specific target towards which i might aim, i had unilaterally chosen the first saturday in april. i can but apologise to those who strayed within hearing distance last week for continually providing a countdown as to just how many sleeps remained before the bicycle could be relieved from its penury in the bike shed.

thankfully, unlike the final saturday of march, yesterday's weather was particularly benevolent, as indeed it has been all week. unlike part of england however, a cold easterly wind has prevented the hebrides from equalling the temperatures more akin to spanish holiday resorts. nonetheless, having cleaned and lubricated the chain, as well as giving the frame a once over with an old bathroom towel, i readied myself for my first bike ride in five weeks, a major point in my personal history.

this entire affair has been a great deal more stressful for mrs washingmachinepost than it has been for yours truly, a fact that was clearly illustrated by two diametrically opposed approaches to yesterday's bike ride. while i was eager to clip in and get going, my better half was far from happy, insisting on waiting at the start of the parcours to keep a close eye on proceedings. the joys of pedalling were seriously diluted on the outward stretch, where a strong tailwind inevitably resulted in lengthy periods of freewheeling. however, on turning to head back, that wind required that i slip down a couple of gears in order to lessen any undue strain on my heart. only as i reached the turning point did i suddenly realise that i'd not stopped smiling since the first pedal stroke.

i did stretch the bounds of wifely permissions on the way back to the croft, moving ahead, then retracing my tyre tracks as mrs washingmachinepost walked the short distance to our front door.

i'm still smiling.

sunday 6 april 2025

sleepwalking

rick beato is an american songwriter, producer and interviewer who hosts his own excellent youtibe channel, on which he interviews many superb rock, pop and jazz musicians with whom he has an excellent rapport due to his knowledge, musicality and ability to ask searching questions that are a far cry from the clichéd queries many of them are repeatedly asked by others. a man in his early sixties, he remembers the days when music was made by groups playing real instruments and writing their own songs, with which he makes frequent comparison to modern times when pop and country music tends to be dominated by solo artists, whose producers have written and created the songs, subsequently played by oft-times anonymous session musicians on the tours.

one of his most recent videos concerned the emergence of artificial intelligence software and its increasing ability to create music out of nothing other than a text prompt, several examples of which mr beato featured in his video. some of these were not that bad, and to those whose lives are dominated by streaming a wide variety of mostly pop music tracks chosen by algorithms, as opposed to sitting down and listening to an entire album, their quality was quite possibly sufficient to keep them entertained. the likelihood of their realising these tunes were completely artificial and that no human being actually strummed a guitar, hit a snare drum, or used a microphone, is remarkably small.

and worse still, probably no-one actually cares.

however, to a greater or less degree, contemporary pop, rock and country music has effectively sleepwalked into the predicament in which it now finds itself. the advent of technological advancements such as autotune, and beat detective have meant that it's technically possible to tidy-up recorded music, ironing out any perceived imperfections. it's worth noting that there is a video, also on youtube, in which a john bonham drum track is fixed by aligning the bass drum and snare drum hits to a grid, removing all the imperfections that made led zeppelin's bonham the truly excellent drummer he was.

so in effect(pun intended), contemporary music technology and production techniques have been carelessly preparing recorded music for the future that has now dropped on it from a great height. it's highly unlikely that the likes of the beatles, the rolling stones and miles davis would find themselves displaced by artificial intelligence software because of the means by which they and their peers made real music. however, ask the text prompt to create a verisimilitude of a taylor swift or beyonce song, and the results are often uncannily close.

but that's music, not cycling, so what does it matter? well, maybe it doesn't. as far as i'm aware, there's been little ingress of artificial intelligence into the cycle industry so far, though i'd be willing to bet that more than one manufacturer has employed its services when designing their latest bicycle. it doesn't seem out of the question that ai could ultimately replace wind tunnel testing, if the relevant software becomes available. but then again, perhaps cycling, or rather, bicycles, are already subject to software whims without anyone actually realising it.

a framebuilder, such as the inestimable richard sachs, designs his crafsman built steel frames with the aid of mechanical jigs and pencil and paper, following through with decades of acquired skills, to fashion a highly desirable end product. the folks at colango, specialized, trek, merida, et al, have long employed pre-ai software to sculpt their aero carbon tubes and design the molds from which the finished bicycles will be extracted. but in so doing, they have, perhaps unwittingly, reduced the bicycle to a series of numbers and formulas, and since they're all using the same software, and effectively asking the same questions, it's no surprise that many are all but indistinguishable from each other, apart from the paint schemes. because they're all getting the same answers.

having achieved that particular state has surely readied the humble bicycle as an easy target for artificial intelligence. how long before we can all subscribe to the bicycle equivalent of chatgpt, offering a text field into which we can type our own velocipedinal desires before submitting them electronically to a factory in taiwan, where an army of carbon experts are ready and waiting to turn it all into a complete bicycle and posting it to the welcome mat in the porch? don't tell me that's not possible, if not now, in the very near future. it might well be impossible to replicate richard sachs in software, but i doubt it would be that hard to replace trek or specialized.

and why stop there? helmets, clothing and footwear would probably be even easier.

saturday 5 april 2025

confused? you will be

today's heading is not of my own making. i have purloined it from the abc television series, soap, which was broadcast from 1977 until 1981. at the end of each episode, the announcer would offer a reprise of the current state of affairs, ending with the phrase, 'confused? you will be. from what i remember of the series, they were not wrong.

obviously enough, there are many situations to which it could be applied; if i were to be topical for a brief moment, i might cite donald trump's liberation day levelling of punitive trade tariffs on pretty much the entire world apart from russia. but aside from the latter, it strikes me as particularly apt when applied to matters velocipedinal. to be even more specific, my favourite subject for targetted disparagement: gravel biking. for those who may be new to my many prejudices, allow me to underline that i have nothing against the cyclists who have chosen to nail their colours to the gravel or bikepacking flag, it's the concept of a bike genre that i maintain was never required in the first place.

as time proceeds, i admit i was naive enough to believe that matters would ultimately become clearer, forcing me to admit just how wrong i had been, and offer all and sundry a slice of humble pie. but from my lofty point of view, that seems not to have happened, with matters simply becoming ever more obscure and, dare i say it, confusing. as i'm sure i have repeated to the point of boredom, the headings cyclocross and gravel on the specialized website both lead to the same page. i ride a specialized crux, sent to me for review as a cyclocross bicycle. and though little appears to have changed, other than the colours, it is a bike now denoted by the term gravel. or cyclocross. but what may not matter to the gravellously inclined, seems somewhat of a betrayal of 'cross aficionados.

uci regulations determine that the maximum tyre width approved for sanctioned cyclocross events, is 33mm. it's a dimension checked by a uci blazer prior to any approved 'cross event, usually by means of a device resembling a fork crown placed over the tyre as the grid begins to form. yet, while specialized's cyclocross designation ultimately leads to the current range of crux bicycles, a brief glance at the specifications will elicit a pair of 38mm wide tyres fitted to the wheels. even the £11,500 s-works model arrives with that width of rubber. would not it be considered something of a travesty to spend almost £12,000, yet have an immediate need to purchase a set of suitable width 'cross tyres?

but as if the possibilities of yet another mountain bike wheel size (32 inch anyone?) are insufficient with which to contend, an interview on cycling weekly.co.uk with gravel star, dylan johnson, brings his opinion regarding tyre width to the fore. according to mr johnson, should you harbour desires to win, or place well in any of the premier gravel events worldwide, you should scarcely consider 40mm as of sufficient width. but just to pour more petrol on the fire, the gentleman believes that the current crop of gravel-specific tyres are simply not up to the job, preferring to utilise mountain bike rubber instead, stating that their thinner casings offer lower rolling resistance and greater puncture resistance.

i have undertaken no research whatsoever to learn if this is a common opinion, but if we can presume that the man is not wide of the mark, it seriously calls into question the research and development procedures adhered to by the world's major tyre manufacturers. does this mean, for instance, that aspiring gravel riders/racers are now stuck in the middle of a three way battle between 'cross, gravel and mtb? but it does perhaps point the finger at many component manufacturers who might now be seen to be cashing in on the gravel bandwagon by offering unnecessary or less than pragmatic, genre-specific components.

confused? you will be.

friday 4 april 2025

cost effective?

this month, my council tax increased by 9.9%, presumably a figure arrived at by argyll & bute council as the equivalent of items priced at £9.99; in other words, 'less than ten'. simultaneously, ofgem raised the cap on energy costs, meaning that my use of electricity will also cost me more money. the inexplicable part of the latter was a reduction in the standing charge, a tariff that was previously explained to me by ovo energy as the cost of supplying electricity to my home. though i'm grateful for the reduction, i fail to see how that particular cost has suddenly lowered?

similarly the e-mail i received in the middle of last month from british telecom advising that my broadband cost has also increased, apparently, just because it has. and that despite advertising full-fibre broadband to mainland customers for less than i'm paying for mere broadband; full-fibre in the hebrides is still years away from implementation. those prices are, of course, attributable to many; i am not being unfairly targeted. granted, news reports would indicate that the majority of councils south of the border are imposing council tax increases around half that of argyll & bute, but since highland council have gone for 15%, well aware am i that we are not the worst off in such matters.

the big problem, if you might agree to that description, is that few, if any of the above price increases are optional. legal proceeding would surely follow were i to opt not to pay my council tax; similarly my electricity supply would undoubtedly be at risk if i disputed the increase with ovo's customer services department. nor, indeed, would i have the opportunity to moan about these increases in public if bt were to cut-off my broadband connection. in addition to increased water charges, all of the above are regarded as essential costs, as opposed to those which i might choose to pay voluntarily.

for instance, despite having received at least two e-mail communications from dhl, proclaiming that yesterday was to have been the delivery date for my unbelievably expensive snare drum, it demonstrably had not arrived by the time the sun went down over the rhinns of islay. however, i can scarcely complain about the eyewatering price, given that it was clearly my choice to order said drum. and it is also my choice to hand over £3 each weekday and £4 on a saturday for my newspaper. when collecting the latter from the newsagent on wednesday, the cost was singularly inflated with the arrival of the latest edition of cyclist magazine, one of the few velocipedinal examples of print media left to choice in the uk. though i'm not really in the habit of keeping tabs on such prices, there's no denying that £6.95 each month is quite a few pennies to hand over the counter.

having said all that, such costs melted into the background on perusing the contents of pete muir's excellent publication. though a subject that has been discussed at length on previous occasions, and not solely by thewashingmachinepost, there's little denying that the cost of cycling has effectively gone through the roof, clearly witnessed by the prices accompanying several of the included bicycle reviews, and, perchance, a set of carbon wheels retailing at £3,700. while the latter is well above the amount the great unwashed would expect to pay for an entire bicycle, the fact that this does not seem to be viewed as an unnatural price tag, is possibly the hardest part to swallow.

however, even this price for two (carbon) rims, hubs and a set of spokes pales into (almost) insignificance following an appraisal of trek's checkmate sram red axs gravel race bike, the cost of which is apparently £10,000. for a gravel bike? would it that i had kept each and every issue of cyclist magazine ever purchased, allowing me to determine at what point in time bicycle prices increased by such astronomical proportions. in 2003, i purchased a colnago c40hp with a campagnolo groupset, augmented with a pair of record ergopower levers, for which i built a pair of wheels; the total cost was marginally in excess of £2,000. inflation has obviously increased in the past 22 years, but surely not by such a dramatic amount? the current equivalent, a similarly equipped c68, now costs in excess of £12,000.

by valid comparison, you can buy a harley davidson for as little as £14,500

in the same issue of cyclist magazine, cycle reviews include a parlee ouray at £10,500, and a basso sv a tad cheaper at £9,000. only the appearance of a £5,400 haro rivette offers any succour to the downtrodden.

this is, of course, simply complaining by proxy, since i possess two wonderful bicycles of which i will never tire, nor seek to replace in the foreseeable future, the dearest of which amounts to around £3,500. my first quality italian road bike set me back little more than £1,500, though admittedly some three decades past. but proportionally, i'd imagine my apprentice road-bike career was notably cheaper than those embarking on a similar present day career. the singularly odd multi-page feature on road shoes in cyclist enlightens the financially challenged that top level footwear will now create a £300+ hole in their finances.

the fact that it cost a mere £6.95 to learn of all this now seems like something of a bargain, immeasurably sweetened by the inclusion of a cobbled ride with lion of flanders, johan museeuw, as an added bonus.

image: cyclist magazine

thursday 3 april 2025

to dream the impossible dream

in around 1989, dismayed by the number of folks on the island who drove pretty much everywhere, i wrote an article for the local newspaper, explaining the economics behind the nuclear family of four purchasing quality his, her and the kids bicycles, along with a decent set of waterproofs for each and panniers to allow the carrying of a modest level of cargo. i compared the cost of doing so with the price of britain's best selling car of the time, revealing just how much money could be saved each year, money that could be put towards the cost of hiring a car for mainland trips and annual holidays. as you would perhaps expect, it made not one jot of difference.

in the interim, if anything, matters have become considerably worse. when my son was learning to drive, we would often resemble an aircraft placed in a holding pattern for landing, as we drove round and round, searching for a gap in the endless line of parked cars, where he might practise his reverse parking. many village roads have effectively become single-track due to the number of vehicles parked on each side, and a prevalence for double-parking when no spaces are available has not helped. even the two bus stops at the foot of bowmore main street are largely unavailable to the buses, filled as they usually are with the vehicles of those intent on shopping in the local averagemarket.

of course, observations such as the above are replicated all across the western world to a greater or lesser extent. city mayors who vowed during the pandemic never to allow a return to the congestion and pollution created by a motorised society have almost all had to retrench. cycle tracks that popped up overnight, even in cities such as glasgow, are now nowhere to be seen as the car dominates once again, even in the many places where it is surplus to requirements. if only there were an appropriate and less invasive solution.

in fact, just such a solution has been hiding in plain sight for several years, but it's one that possesses an unfortunate aspect beyond which the majority will never see. even today, when the cargo bike (for that is indeed the proposed unravelment) has acquired the prefix 'e', the notion that it might supplant thousands of car journeys, let alone form the last mile for small parcel deliveries is still one proposed mostly by those who manufacture the sturdy velocipedes and their coterie of sympathisers. however, for all the points in their favour, there are still those highlighted by their detractors (or perhaps just those who have yet to try one), points that can be hard to counter.

for starters, the majority are still unable to simultaneously transport a small family along with their luggage, shopping or modest cargo; in most instances, it's one or the other. however, even casual observation of motor traffic on roads leading to cities, towns or urban agglomerations, will reveal that most of them feature only a driver and no accountable passengers. if that were to be readily accepted, the bulk of the problem would have effectively evaporated. however, the one major fly-in-the-ointment, the very one that undermined adoption of the bicycle as a viable means of transport at the end of lockdown, is that of the weather. to be more specific, i should announce that i refer specifically to the weather experienced in the uk.

i have seen very few commerically available cargo bikes ('e' or otherwise) with any form of cab; like the bicycles you and i ride every weekend, they are predominantly open to the elements. the cognoscenti may be quite happy to don goretex and the like, but most prefer their home comforts as they roll the statistically less than eight kilometres to work or the shops. against heated seats, air conditioning, in-car entertainment, text-messaging and the ability to make hands-free telephone calls, driving rain and strong winds rather pale by comparison. and then, of course, there's the undeniable fact that more than just modest effort is required to travel those eight kilometres.

if the uk population is to become entranced with bicycles of any flavour, cargo or otherwise, it's going to take a wholesale change in attitude, something very unlikely to be encouraged by even a concerted marketing campaign. there's nothing wrong with optimism, backed by enthusiasm for a cycle-based future, but no matter the strength of our efforts, it may be time to admit that reality is likely to win out.

image: trek bicycles

wednesday 2 april 2025

inno(t)vation

during my early years in the hebrides, as i attempted to carve out a career as an artist, it became glaringly obvious that the principal means of highlighting this fact would be through exhibitions of my paintings in glasgow's and edinburgh's art galleries. simultanously, it became painfully obvious that, while islay offered the nascent landscape painter an endless array of subject matter, it was very far from being the ideal location in which to sell those canvases. however, as many would-be artists will no doubt agree, the cost of being an artist is not insignificant.

aside from purchasing paints, brushes, canvas, board, paper, frames, easel etc., once those have been transformed into what you hope qualifies as works of art, for those based on a picturesque island, there's still the cost of transporting the aforesaid artworks to a mainland gallery, paying your share of the private-view costs, personal transport and overnight accommodation to attend that private-view and a hopefully lesser amount to repatriate those works which failed to sell. suddenly painting seems less like a career and more like an expensive hobby.

however, there are organisations which purport to help the self-employed with ancillary expenses incurred in the course of their career development, one of which was the now defunct highlands and islands enterprise (hie). applications that hie were apparently willing to consider were those classifiable under the heading new and innovative, both terms open to considerable interpretation. keen to hold an exhibition in one of those unspecified glasgow or edinburgh galleries, a fellow artist and i opted to apply to hie for a modicum of financial assistance towards staging such an exhibition.

unfortunately the organisation very quickly demonstrated its total lack of understanding of the situation, claiming that it would have more readily supported an exhibition held within the highlands and islands, suggesting oban as an alternative to edinburgh or glasgow. oban is quite a pleasant town, acting as the hub from which many of calmac's island ferry services arrive and depart, but it is very much not the location in which apprentice or established artists are likely to attract buyers for their efforts. following brief research, we had considered that an exhibition in a glasgow or edinburgh gallery by two island-based artists might actually qualify as innovative. unfortunately, hie's definition of the word seemed very much at variance with our own, and we had to abandon the idea due to lack of available funds.

having watched several videos and reports from the recent taipei cycle show, it seems that perhaps it is i who now fails to comprehend the meaning of the word innovation. however, i am beginning to see the similarities between marcel duchamp's 1917 exhibition of a gent's urinal as art, purely on the basis that he considered himself an artist and thus anything he claimed was art, was undeniable. thus, if a video or media report claims to have surveyed the assembled displays for new innovations, any item subsequently depicted immediately falls under that category. and that, in short, appears to be anything resembling a wheel, handlebar or hitherto unseen colour applied to a carbon bicycle frame.

i can only surmise, therefore, that the word innovative is a purely relative term. when everything has flatlined, following years and years of technological developments within the bicycle industry, a duck-egg blue satin finish on a pinarello quite possibly does qualify as an innovation. similarly, wavy carbon rims, or molded fish scales within just such a rim would appear also to be worthy of approbation.

but just as continual economic growth is a fiscal impossibility, so too is endless velocipedinal innovation, following considerable previous achievements. it's hard to simply apportion blame to those displaying any of the above, for erroneous claims of innovation, when the real culprits are cycling's media outlets, keen, as ever, to have the gullible amongst us click just one more link on youtube.

tuesday 1 april 2025