my mother, about to enter her ninth decade, has always been a knitter. when my brother and i were young, we always had hand-knitted school jumpers, gloves, scarves (she once knitted me a remarkably long version in order that i might attend an art school fancy dress dance as dr. who) and i'm pretty sure that, had i been into cycling at the time, i'd have had several hand-knitted jerseys and pairs of bibshorts. though i have to stop typing if i want to watch the big bang theory while composing the daily post, despite the apparent complexity of the average knitting pattern, my mother could not only watch tv, but carry on a conversation while the needles clacked merrily away.
though as a child, attempts were made to have me too learn to knit, a bit like reading music, it's a skill i failed to acquire, but if i'd thought i might gain the ability to knit my own pair of cycling shoes, perhaps i'd have paid a bit more attention. it appears, however, that employees in the shoe department at giro paid a tad more attention than did i, for they have recently announced an entire, attractively coloured range of footwear for not only the road-going fraternity, but those who worship at the altar of mud; cyclocrossers and mountain bikers.
the concept of knit technology in athletic footwear is nothing particularly new, but, so far as i'm aware, giro are the first to employ this feature across a range of cycling shoes. the road-going, empire e70 version offers some attractive finishes, all of which adhere to giro's lace-up style, but though they offer a dwr treatment to aid water repellancy and ease of cleaning, the knitted outer shell appears to exist more for aesthetic reasons than any hitherto unknown technical facility.
the offroad version, however, though possessed of the same outer xnetic knit technology, may conceivably have need of providing a tad more resistance to the elements than those of more pelotonic hue. on this basis, i requested that distributors zyro fisher send over a pair of size 44 empire vr70 lace-ups. the latter is arguably less attractive than the road-going version, given that the majority of the xnetic knit is largely covered by a rubber exoskeleton, but this is presumably to retain the consistency of the woolly bit.
the specific reason for requesting the vr70 was to learn whether your £220 (should you decide to avail yourself of a pair) was likely to be money well-spent. though the knitted layer (in this case, lime and black) is mightily impressive when new, how well would it fair after a few days' scrabbling in the undergrowth, especially if ultimately smothered in gloopy mud. sadly, the recent freezing conditions have mitigated against my pursuing the latter, so i'm going to have to get back to you on that one. however, the undergrowth in bridgend woods is rife with jaggy branches, the thorns of which would eagerly breakfast upon any knitted fabric that might pass their table.
couple this with a choreography of inept footwork and the vr70's resilience was likely to be tested whether it wanted to be or not. surprisingly, several bouts of inveterate scrabbling, have failed to pook even a tiny portion of the lime and black woolly stuff.
the toe region is thoroughly well protected, both from bushes, mud and precipitation, but the bit surely open to possible abuse from unruly vegetation would be the sock gusset that forms around the ankle. this elasticated portion of knitting seems to perform at least two distinct functions: preventing the ingress of foreign bodies and, rather delightfully, ease of fitting. the vr70 has no tongue whatsoever, 'neath the laces, the xnetic knit existing in one apparently seamless section. the same dwr coating exists offroad as on-road and appears to be particularly effective. i spent a harrowing morning under largely precipitative conditions, bereft of overshoes, on the basis that running about in grass and gravel would be likely to tear the latter to shreds.
yet, on returning to the safety of the kitchen, the inner sanctum of both shoes was effectively free from rain ingress. i can't say i'd recommend shouldering the bike and wading through fast-flowing rivers, but, coupled with a pair of stout, waterproof socks, comfort and joy should be yours throughout any regular bike ride you care to mention.
like many an offroad shoe, the vr70s have to threaded inserts at the toe into which a pair of (supplied) studs can be fitted to aid grip in trying conditions. i cannot deny that i did not subscribe to this feature, purely on the grounds that i find it more of a hindrance than an asset, one that i find applicable to all such footwear. however, having run (all terms used are relative) uphill on wet grass, gravel, dried mud and clumps of dead leaves, even my less than skilful footwork was unable to force any loss of grip. which is just as well, because on several occasions, people were watching. in my opinion, this proved the vibram covered easton carbon-fibre sole to be just ginger peachy.
i've used these knitted shoes on a set of ritchey wcs offroad pedals and crank brothers candys with no detectable loss of effectiveness on either. yes, i'd like to have the blue/purple heather colourway that the road version gets and i'd probably be happier if there was a greater area of the knit visible on top, but some folks are never happy. ultimately, other than the knitted bit, there's probably not a whole lot of technical difference between the vr70 and others in the giro range, but if you're slow, like wot i am, innocent bystanders will have a greater period of time to view any attendant footwear. anything this attractive and functional that might divert their attention from my meagre bike handling skills is to be welcomed with open feet.
giro's empire vr70 offroad shoe can be acquired with a knit pattern of black/charcoal, black/lime or dark blue/blue in a wide range of sizes. recommended price is £219.99
giro empire vr70 knit offroad shoes
monday 19 march 2018
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................in my ministrations as a self-styled percussive consultant, i have impressed upon my students that the key to success is practice. this is reinforced by a piece of paper pinned to the notice board outside the music rooms at the local secondary school, on which it says...
"i found a book entitled, 'how to succeed at anything' and on opening that book there was but a single page. on the page it said 'practice' "
it's easy to scoff at such an apparently pretentious epithet, but the unfortunate aspect of such potential scoffery, is that in essence the statement could not be more true.
due to sub-zero, galeforce windchill this weekend, and because milan-sanremo was on eurosportplayer during saturday afternoon, i opted to drag the specialized crux kicking and screaming from the bike shed. this happily coincided with the last vestiges of an offroad shoe review (about which more tomorrow), meaning that my short-term desire to scrabble about in the undergrowth of bridgend woods could be framed as work, rather than simply play. not that anyone actually cares.
when richard mitchelson revealed his latest 'any weather rider' shirts earlier last week, i pretty much ignored the alternative 'any weather runner' option, entirely on the basis that i can scarcely run the length of myself. this physical deficiency (so to speak) i have usually deflected by quoting from gordon sumner's 'an englishman in new york' where one verse states 'a gentleman walks but never runs'. i realise i'm on the very edge of the gentleman classification, but if i say it quickly and move on, i fervently hope that no-one will recognise this short burst of arrogance.
however, the sport of cyclocross pretty much demands that a certain amount of running take place, a condition of participation that the majority of competitors train specifically to accommodate. since my livelihood scarcely depends upon an hour's muddy endeavours, this is of no great concern, but in the pursuance of a cogent review, it is rather obviously necessary to undertake at least a modest amount of running, usually of the uphill variety. and in order that this bear some verisimilitude to the metier for which the shoes were made, i expend every effort to shoulder the bicycle in the style of nys, van aert or jpow.
the problem seems to be in the immediate interpretation of that requirement.
having mistakenly assumed that the art of leaping aboard a 'cross bike in the heat of battle was an inherent human condition, it seems i have made the same mistake with regard to shouldering the bicycle. i've examined recorded footage of many a cross race, as well paying close attention to photographs of the sport's to competitors, yet the minute i unclip that left shoe, all careful considerations evaporate into the ether and i'm left using both hands to keep the bicycle from disappearing into the undergrowth.
on the first attempt at cycle carrying, i espied one or two individuals making their collective way back to parked cars; stumbling at the first hurdle would have been embarrassing, so despite being well aware that the bicycle was on the point of running away on its own, i simply ran uphill in shambolic discomfort. a mere matter of an hour later, the second attempt, which should have taken place with no chance of observation, incurred the gaze of a bemused flock of sheep. call me daft if you like, but the thought of appearing inept in front of woolly witnesses seemed just beyond the pale. if heath robinson had been a cyclocross rider, i'd have been his acolyte.
by my reckoning, there are around six months before the 2018 'cross season commences in earnest, meaning at least 24 weeks in which to learn not only how to shoulder the bike, but how to successfully get on and off with graceful aplomb.
my chances are not looking good.
sunday 18 march 2018
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................as someone who was afforded the luxury of attending art college, many have bestowed upon me the ability to appreciate all aspects of contemporary art. if there's a large, black canvas with a small red spot in the corner, it is assumed that i have the perception to understand precisely what the artist had hoped to convey. similarly, the artist who, for reasons best known to themselves, filled one of the tate modern's larger rooms with a covering of oil, it appears i ought to implicitly have faith that it presents a modern day perspective on 'man's inhumanity to man'.
but i haven't. and i don't.
many long years ago, i attended an exhibition of modern art, held at the third eye centre in glasgow's sauchiehall street, an exhibition space that is no longer in existence. based on several questionable presentations in that central art space, it's hard to know whether its demise ought to be mourned or celebrated. however, one so-called installation tested my appreciation of the contemporary artist's metier. it consisted of a standard office filing cabinet in which the bottom drawer was fully open and with each subsequent drawer above it also open, but by a progressively diminishing amount. seen from the side it bore a slight resemblance to a small set of stairs.
inside each of the drawers was a short length of rolled-up carpet sitting in varying depths of cold water. and that, as they say, was that. i have no recollection of the artist's identity, nor, indeed, the title of the installation. but most importantly, i haven't an earthly notion what the point of the edifice was intended to be. judging by comments from those nearby, it appears i was not alone in my lack of comprehension. far from being a modernist (so to speak), i'm much more appreciative of true ability, whether through sculpture, drawing or painting, however subjective that might appear.
but that aesthetic appreciation can also be stretched in the direction of the bicycle. and by that i'm not solely referring to picasso's steer's head fashioned from a leather saddle and a set of handlebars. though i do constantly wonder whether some of today's sculpted carbon frames are made that way because they can be, or whether those oversized, flattened frames truly bear closer examination from an aerodynamic or structural point of view. i saw little wrong with round-tubed, lugged steel, but having attended art college and not engineering school, i am insufficiently qualified to make educated comment.
however, my cynicism directed towards carbon flair should not be misunderstood as disdain. along with many, i am rather appreciative of the occasional swoop or curve, it's just that i am less convinced that they are not simply a perfect example of style over substance. but no matter the age of the bicycle under examination, artistic endeavour is scarcely far away. though my good friend, richard sachs, claims immunity from the visually appreciative side of his life's work, i fear he may be alone in this. those fork crowns alone are worth the price of admission. and 'tis not just bicycle frames that have cornered the market in visual recognition; many a component would look just ginger peachy sat on a small plinth atop the mantlepiece.
the carbon gear mech at the rear of my ritchey logic never fails to remind me of the organic shapes engendered by hans rudi giger, the chap who designed the alien of movie fame. campagnolo have a history of offering beautifully sculpted chainsets and die-cast gear mechs that are every bit as much art as a barbara hepworth or henry moore.
it is therefore of little surprise that italy's selle italia group will be representing the bicycle industry at this year's international la triennale milano exhibition. the 2018 exhibition will pay its respects to the bicycle renaissance, celebrating the bike not only as a means of transport or sporting equipment as well as an object of design, desire and engineering.
by my reckoning, that makes us all artists.
saturday 17 march 2018
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................last saturday, my own cycling activities kept me too far away from eurosportplayer to watch the live broadcast of italy's strade bianche. however, unlike many of my soccer loving friends and acquaintances, not being able to watch live cycling does not fill me with dread, nor turn me into a quivering wreck. i believe the same criteria might also be readily applied to rugby fans. unfortunately, eurosport then ran true to form by excluding edited highlights of the race in favour of continuing with interminable snooker, an activity with which i have no affinity and serious doubts about its definition as a sport in the first place.
fortunately, a subscription to eurosportplayer arrives with access to the on demand link at the top of the web browser, allowing access to the missing highlights in three differing formats. and, as an added bonus, those highlights were mercifully commentary free, comprising pure, exciting bike racing with only sounds from the roadside, the many attendant team and commissaires' cars and the myriad of camera motorbikes.
this saturday sees arguably the real start to the cycling season with milan-sanremo and already the pundits are beginning to circle. more than just one of several cycling related websites have already indulged in endless prognostications as to who is in form, who might be best suited to the parcours and which teams seem the strongest in the bunch. no doubt one or two might conceivably get lucky and correctly pinpoint the race winner in advance, but mostly, those columns will be filled with well-meaning narrative that will undoubtedly be more informed than yours truly, but probably every bit as wrong.
yet again, and i apologise for the annual repetition, i would be far more grateful if the commentators and pundits would take a well-earned break and simply sit and watch the race as i will do.
do not mistake my intentions; this is not an easy thing for me to write about, given that one or two folks with whom i am well acquainted, earn a substantial part of their annual income fulfilling the above occupations and on at least a couple of occasions, have been remarkably accurate in their appraisals, both before and during any specific event. however, surely the very essence of any sport is not only the unknown, but its being subject to the vicissitudes of chance? how many pre-race favourites have fallen victim to the unexpected mechanical, crash or other hurdle preventing fulfillment of their startline promise? and how many pundits have suffered similar slings and arrows of being horribly wrong?
though i frequently watch televised crime fiction, taking the common form of a who dunnit?, i feel no desire to fulfil the role of the principal character and speculate as to the identity of the culprit. and i love watching cycle racing, particularly the spring classics, with no preference as to who may cross the line in first place, purely on the basis that it is better to travel well than to arrive. ultimately, it's not really the victory that's the most important aspect (though thousands would doubtless and vociferously disagree, not least the sponsors, team managers and those atop the podium). in fact, if i'm really honest, the finish is often the least satisfying part of my afternoon in front of the web browser; it's all those kilometres that precede.
but those dratted pundits won't rest until i know fully the strategies ahead of their unfolding and the identities of first, second and third with still 58.5 kilometres to go.
friday 16 march 2018
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................several years ago, i undertook a one-day cycling course to better enable me to take children out cycling on the road, with safety ever uppermost in the equation. though much of the course featured fairly obvious strictures, one part of our day was so fascinatingly cool, that we repeated it several times. the lesson itself was designed to safely take a group of children up an inclined road with the intention of turning right, in the uk, across the path of potentially oncoming traffic.
the general theory when involving a small group of children on bicycles, is that one adult rides up front and a second occupies the position of guardsman at the rear. should the group necessitate a third adult cyclist, they'd occupy space in the centre of the group. thus, at the point of attempting to turn right, the rider up front would signal to the right, along with all those cycling behind and move the entire group into the centre of the road, though still to the left of the white line.
once everyone was in position, the adult rider at the rear, would power past on the left of the group and turn self and bicycle at right angles to the traffic flow (when safe to do so) on the right side of the road, adjacent to the turn. this manouevre effectively blocked the path of oncoming traffic, allowing safe passage for the group as they turned. once all were safely round the corner, the adult resumed position at the tail end of the group. it's probably easier to view than to describe, but it's a remarkably effective and relatively safe method to achieve a right-hand turn.
this differs little from the prescribed way for any cyclist to turn right, whether uphill or not and one that returning members of the sunday morning ride, regularly practice as we head up bowmore main street. the downside would appear to be, based on rather scary evidence, that not all motorists are either aware of the highway code as it refers to cyclists, or they simply don't care. on three separate occasions, after signalling and moving to the middle of the road, just as two of us were about to turn, we were all too aware of a car about to overtake. quite what they figured we were doing in the middle of the road in the first place, is anyone's guess.
several hundred years ago, when learning to drive, it was still a requirement that drivers give hand signals to turn, even if not needed after passing the test. i'd be surprised if many of today's drivers could demonstrate these signals, even if many drive around with one elbow leaning out the window on a permanent basis. it is, unfortunately, an example of helpful signals that have now gone the way of the dodo. and this situation is not solely the preserve of the motoring public.
i doubt i'm the only one who has found it hard ploughing into a headwind, or hoping to power up an ascent only to realise that i was either in the wrong sprocket at the back, or sitting in the big ring up front, with no visual indication that one or t'other might be the reason for an apparently serious loss of power. though i'd be loath to lose those sti, ergopower or double-tap levers, there's no doubt that once they have performed their task to meticulously adjusted perfection, they offer no tangible feedback to the rider, as to which particular ratio in which they have left him or her. as with the long-lost car driver signals, this was not always the case.
i have no earthly idea of thewashingmachinepost's readership demographic, but i'd be willing to bet that a good proportion have never experienced the joys of downtube gear levers. believe me, you're not missing a great deal. however, it would be tantamount to an unfair travesty of justice to dismiss the collateral advantages of two levers bolted to the top of a (usually) steel down tube. by looking downwards during any moment of a bike ride, it was possible to tell which of the two chainrings might be occupied by the chain and one could gain a rough indication as to which rear sprocket was occupied, though the latter was a lot simpler when there were only five of them.
i do believe that shimano, at least, have occasionally featured gear indicators on their combination bar levers, but much like the gradient reading at the foot of my garmin, those are often hard to read accurately in the heat of battle. of course, there's really little benefit to my pointing any of this out, particularly in the light of civilisation having consigned such matters to the filing cabinet labelled nostalgia.
you're welcome.
thursday 15 march 2018
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................an elderly gentleman who sadly passed away several years ago, rode a three-speed bicycle for many a long year before infirmity effectively forced him onto four wheels. bizarrely, given his apparently conservative demeanour, those four wheels took the shape of a bright yellow volkswagen beetle, but then, there's no accounting for taste. during those years on the bicycle, he would infrequently leave the bicycle in my care in order that periodic maintenance could take place. i realise that he had probably convinced himself that the day-to-day was being comfortably taken care of through regular oiling of the chain, inflating the tyres and suchlike, but in truth, his going through the motions were far from effective fettling.
as one with a self-proclaimed compulsive chain disorder, after each ride, i degrease and clean the chain prior to lubrication, a practice that of which the aforesaid gentleman seemed blissfully unaware. there was little doubt that oil was being applied to the chain (probably three-in-one), it's simply that he wasn't cleaning the links prior to application. thus on arrival at the croft, the propulsion unit resembled nothing more than an endless string of crud.
i also held great concern over his eyesight, for though he may have been diligent in pumping up the tyres on a regular basis, it appears that three broken spokes on the rear wheel had completely escaped his attention. suffice it to say, over the course of a few years, that bicycle probably cost him twice its value in repairs.
though i believe myself to have a reasonably firm grasp of bicycle maintenance, i am most certainly quite some distance shy of being a trained mechanic. many of the more arcane fettling requirements that have headed in my direction have only been solved because i have friends who are highly qualified and experienced and have mostly been more than generous with their time, answering patently idiotic mechanical questions. coupled with the fact that islay has no bike shop to speak of and only one recently qualified cycle mechanic, the option of dropping the bike off at the shop on the way to work, is a concept that features not in polite hebridean society.
there are ruminations, however, that portions of the mainland population have recently taken to discarding the services of their local bicycle shop maintenance departments, relying more upon on the ubiquitous youtube video, an almost complete lack of workshop quality tools and more gung than ho. it is the encroachment of an endless redundancy of existing tools and a need for the new in contemporary bike servicing, along with an apparently endless string of technological developments that have undermined my own sense of confidence, coupled with lack of a suitably equipped toolboard and, to be quite frank, consequent lack of ability, that have given me cause for concern over the future of my own velocipedinal maintenance schedule.
i'd figure this is a situation that exists on many an amateur's horizon.
quality bike shop tools are hardly cheap. with three bicycles in the shed featuring campagnolo eleven-speed transmissions, i have had to offer vicenza a not inconsiderable amount of money to acquire the appropriate workshop rivet tool, without which, chain installation is a fruitless exercise in serious frustration. and only last week, when attempting to replace a pair of disc brake pads, the endeavour failed miserably because once in place, those pads offered insufficient of a gap in which to fit the rotor. it transpires that there was need of some implement to force the recalcitrant pistons to retreat into their appointed slots in the caliper, an implement that, at the time, was conspicuous by its absence.
i'm sure that the more inventive among you would have fashioned such a tool from a nearby baker's rolling pin, but my conscience would not allow me to continue without, once again, expensive recourse to the correct tool for the job. the correct tools for the job are, to be tautological once again, the shop mechanic's stock-in-trade and one of the better reasons to leave the bike in the shop and go do something more fun instead. by all means, keep yourself abreast of that which might impede smooth velocipedinal progress, but solely on the basis of being able to offer a more concise appraisal to the man with the apron, standing behind the counter.
6 october might well be national bike shop day, but every day is bike shop mechanics' day. and don't you forget it.
wednesday 14 march 2018
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................as i reached the age at which it graduation from primary education to the big, bad world of secondary school took place, i figured it was time that i got a job. i needed something that would provide a few pounds that i might either put away for a rainy day, spend on records featuring my favourite drummers or, better still, be eventually put towards my first drum set (preferably in red sparkle). my father gave glowering disapproval to the latter option.
unfortunately, not for me was the preferred option of the archtypal ten speed racer, machinery eventually presented, rather enviously, to my younger brother. the pragmatic choice in which i was not a decision maker, ultimately made perfect sense, when that previously mentioned means of employment encompassed both a morning paper round and an after school delivery service for a local pharmacist friend of the percussively disapproving father mentioned above. to put it in blunt terms, the bicycle i rode for the five years i delivered newspapers and medicines was a raleigh twenty, a steel-framed shopping bike with a dynamo, mudguards and a surprisingly capacious, tartan saddle bag into which you could fit unheard of quantities of the sunday times and all its attendant supplements.
the bicycle, such as described, was purchased new from mr benzie, an aberdonian by birth and proprietor of an apparently makeshift bike shop in kyle street. the shop bore a remarkable resemblance to two, side-by-side wooden huts, backed by a third larger edifice at right angles to the first two. the right-hand entrance brought prospective customers to the sales desk surrounded by one or two bicycles designed for teeny tots. the sales floor, as modern times would surely describe it, was in the leftmost hut, entrance to which could only be gained while accompanied by the stentorian mr benzie.
the third hut at the back of the two already described, was reserved for both maintenance and storage purposes and i can recall only a single occasion when i was granted access in order to collect my repaired cycle. quite which misdemeanour had put it there in the first place i truly cannot remember, but i did remain amazed at the incredible number of bicycles contained inside, several of which looked as if they had been there for years.
unlike most of the bicycles that even now, make their way to the croft for repair, it was more than your career was worth to submit a bicycle to mr benzie for repair, that had not first been washed and polished within an inch of its life. i remember him refusing to adjust my misfiring sturmey archer three-speed gear because i may have neglected to clean and lubricate the chain. and when i did pluck up the courage to ask after a ten speed racer of my very own, rather than encourage the possibility of a sale, he did everything in his power to dissuade me from the way of the derailleur, based entirely on his not having a suitable model in stock. according to the man himself, multiple sprockets (five) on the rear wheel, would only lead to a whole series of unexpected malfeasances, twisted and broken chains and quite probably, plagues of locusts.
mr benzie sadly passed on to the great cycle lane in the sky many years ago and i seriously doubt we will ever see his like again. the modern day concept of customer service implicitly forbids belligerence towards those who really do need to have their failings pointed out; to wit 'the customer is always wrong'. my old hometown does still sport a decent bicycle shop, one that encompasses a nostalgic homely atmosphere, unsullied by contemporary thoughts on the retail experience. but on the single visit i have made to the premises, the staff proved to be disappointingly friendly. and nobody tried to prevent me from purchasing bar end lugs that quite possibly would not match my bar tape.
to completely misquote a well-worn epithet, 'bike shop is as bike shop does'. mr benzie might have been scary to those of tender years and possibly even to one or two parents, but he gave us a bike shop, the memory of which has endured for over fifty years. make sure you or your kids carry similar memories into their dotage; don't just support your local bike shop on the uk's planned national bike shop day on 6 october this year. support them always.
the internet won't fix your bike.
tuesday 13 march 2018
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