thewashingmachinepost




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safety in numbers (sometimes)

closed road

for those who may have undertaken any edition of the hot chillee london to paris ride, you will have been likely every bit as much impressed with riding in france as have i. aside from courteous considerations from french motorists, riding all day on closed roads is something that never gets tired. even on two lane country roads, it's not uncommon to see motorists pull onto the grass verge on the other side of the road, simply to allow a hot chillee peloton to pass completely unhindered.

then, arriving in paris to discover that they've closed one side of the champs elysées, as well as the roundabout at the arc de triomphe on a saturday afternoon, is surely more than just the icing on the cake. i daresay many of the motorists attempting to actually get somewhere in paris, are less than impressed by fearsome looking gents aboard large motorbikes, staring them straight in the face at road junctions. but though i'd like to feign concern, to be honest, i was too busy enjoying riding on parisien city centre cobbles.

what makes this all the more notable, is an immediate comparison with riding conditions at home. granted, we made reasonable progress from london to folkstone on the outward trip, but in truth, our accompanying motorcyclists were only mandated to keep us safe; the power to stop traffic is not conferred by uk authorities.

islay's sunday morning ride, in companion with hundreds, if not thousands of similar rides all across the country, bears no comparison. the only bit we have in common with the hot chillee escapades is the bicycle. however, that is as it has always been and scarcely worth remarking upon. if closed roads were a regular domestic feature, rides such as london to paris would scarcely merit mention, nor, perhaps, the sending in of an entry form in the first place.

this is hardly a particularly onerous situation; there's no denying that a group of amateur cyclists will perambulate at a lower speed than motorised traffic and it's arguably easier for a peloton to get out of the way, particularly if the parcours is well-peppered with passing places. but even bearing this in mind, we're usualy keen to implement the numbers game in pressuring oncoming motorists to do the decent thing when confronted with upwards of nine (last sunday's attendance) cyclists. disappointingly, it seems that our cunning plan carries less weight than we'd hoped it would. the question arises, however, as to whether non-compliance rests on ignorance, arrogance, or a combination of the two.

you will, i hope, be more than well-acquainted with the notion of passing places; small lay-bys on single track roads offering motorists and cyclists, travelling in either direction, the opportunity to allow traffic to keep moving. these were originally marked by means of black and white hooped wooden posts, but more recently, the wooden posts have eiher died or been replaced with similarly coloured plastic posts, the longevity of which must surely be called into question. many of the latter around the island seem to have been heavily clouted by drivers with less than perfect navigational skills.

were i to still count myself amongst the nation's motorists, i'm pretty sure that the sight of several oncoming cyclists, all with their race faces on, would have me desperately searching for the nearest passing place into which i might dive. yet, that fervent hope seems every bit as distant as it ever was. the majority will blithely drive past more than just a single passing-place, seemingly expectant that the marauding peloton will do the decent thing and get out the ruddy way. courtesy is apparently not an optional extra purchased with even a small range rover.

it's really no wonder that britain's cyclists still perceive themselves as second-class citizens. it would by highly iniquitous of me to cast aspersions towards everyone sat behind a steering wheel, for occasionally we will be unexpectedly the recipients of le grande gesture. more the exception than the rule. much the same goes for traffic arriving from behind, the majority of which seems less inclined to wait until it's safe for us to get out of their way. yet on saturday afternoon, having been unceremoniously passed on a blind corner by two motorists, we had the ignominy of subsequently watching the same two sit for quite some distance behind a tractor, driving at a similar speed to our own and occupying the same width of road.

with islay's whisky festival week looming on the horizon, bringing around 100 motorhomes for the week, it's not going to get any better anytime soon. if you're planning a motoring holiday in the rural idyll, please acquaint yourselves with passing place etiquette before you arrive, or before you disembark the ferry. otherwise we'll be forced to implement an exam on the car deck, before you're allowed to leave the boat.

if only i was kidding.

monday 30 april 2018

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endura long-sleeve movistar team jersey

endura team movistar l/s jersey

we are not the professionals. we do not arrive back at the ranch after 260 kilometres sporting an average 43kph on the garmin. unless our better halves are of a particularly favourable disposition, we do not have a team car following in our wake(s) and you can shout at mavic as much as you like, but they're probably not going to offer neutral service for the sunday morning ride, whether you bought a new pair of ksyriums or not.

and i can crane my neck all i want, but so far, neither fausto pinarello, nor ernesto colnago have been seen arriving in the car park, keen to foist team bikes on my bike shed.

endura team movistar l/s jersey

sadly, it doesn't end there. though the mighty dave t maintains that a fictitious home help cleans his bike till he can see his face in it, it's not what you'd call a regular feature. and though i melodramatically creak from the armchair, mrs washingmachinepost has yet to offer a leg massage to ease the aches and pains of a saturday in the wild. but, as i stated in my opening sentence, we are not professionals; we ride our bikes either because we love it so much, or we're totally bonkers. perhaps a bit of both.

and boy do we enjoy it.

yet, despite our tacit acknowledgment of all the above, we still want to have the same bike as peter sagan, the same jersey as nairo quintana and the same masseur as vincenzo nibali. because, as we are continually told, cycling is one of the few sports where, assuming you have a suitable depth of pocket, you too can be a professional lookalike. only the speed will be missing.

endura team movistar l/s jersey

however, none of our deficiencies ought to stand in the way of our desires, particularly when at least some of the above items are well within our grasp. and even if you'd really rather not become a mobile billboard for some obscure european corporation, despite the often marked differences between their stuff and our stuff, there's at least one cycling apparel purveyor north of the border which offers the same kit to the amateur as to alejandro and the boys.

but if there's a perceivable problem in wearing an endura-made 2018 movistar cycle jersey, it's the conflict between advertising spain's mobile phone companies (including o2) and canyon bikes versus the fact that this year's colour scheme is pretty darned brilliant (in both definitions of that word). i'm not sure whose idea it was to fade that pastel cyan into a black that matches any bibshorts you care to mention (in this case, a pair of endura pro sl with a narrow pad), but i'd like to recommend that they get a pay rise. naturally enough, endura offer less visible long-sleeve jerseys, but logos or not, this is a doozy.

endura team movistar l/s jersey

in keeping with its spanish affiliations, the movistar jersey is constructed from a high-stretch insulated spanish-made grid fleece and though livingston assures me that it features an ergonomic, athletic race fit, this is a deal less onerous to the out-of-shape weekender than can be the case with other apparel providers. yes, it's a close fit and yes, it feels better on the bike than off, but nonetheless, it's pretty darned ginger peachy according to my opinion (as richard sachs would say).

even in chilly weather, wear it atop a long-sleeve baselayer and the world (or at least, a bit of the hebrides) is your oyster. if, like me, your average speed has crept significantly above 26kph (probably an administrative error), any internal cooking can be instantly ameliorated by lowering the full length zip from its cosy mid-height collar. and if, like me, you have stuffed all manner of whatnots in those capacious rear pockets, the jersey's stretch and flexibility means that neither long-sleeve will hamper you fishing one or t'other from their depths.

i'm not normally one who succumbs to the attractions of team kit, particularly one that blatantly (yet attractively) encourages use of mobile phone networks. still bereft of a smartphone as i am, this would appear something of a velocipedinal contradiction, but it's a stunning piece of scottish-made kit, exactly the same as nairo's and it has long sleeves.

what's not to like?

the endura team movistar l/s jersey is currently available in sizes xs and medium at a retail price of £79.99.

endura team movistar l/s jersey

sunday 29 april 2018

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watching the detectives

euro ncap

i live a sheltered life in the hebrides, one that allows me to come into occasional contact with cyclists visiting from further afield, but also makes it a simple matter to keep myself to myself, if that's the way the day begins. as a group of hardened velocipedinists, the velo club is renowned on the seats outside debbie's, as one most welcoming to strangers, the definition of the latter being held to be simply 'friends we haven't met yet'. i frequently receive e-mails from prospective island visitors who enquire as to whether they might join the sunday bike ride, the answer to which has yet to be a resounding 'no.

euro ncap

though the rural idyll is rarely as idyllic as its press department would have you believe, it's certainly not one that i have any real complaints about. even at present, when calmac have once again suffered a grande malfeasance with regard to their lifeline services to the western isles, since i have no plans to go anyhwere in particular, i can shrug off such concerns with nothing more than a pair of shoulders. with the sun now shining, a hilltrek double-ventile jacket verges on being a tad over the top, while the woolly hat has gone into semi-retirement.

there is, however, turmoil looming on the horizon, by way of the annual whisky festival commencing on saturday 26 may. for one week, not speaking german, swedish or danish when greeting folks on bowmore main street, risks making me feel alienated in my home village. and crossing shore street in order to purchase the daily newspaper requires a level of alertness out of all proportion to the task at hand. however, paying attention to motor traffic travelling along a gently curving hebridean street, is probably a great deal less onerous than the daily gauntlet experienced by those in britain's more urban and inner-city regions.

euro ncap

however, as my mother used always to say "that's what your eyes and ears are for." i'm assuming that she meant it was only one of the factors for which those two senses were intended. nonetheless, paying attention when crossing the road is presumably one of the reasons i'm still here in one piece after so many years on planet earth.

there's no doubt, however, that contemporary life mitigates against the simplicity i once experienced in my younger days. i cannot deny that, while on my way down london's regent street, heading to the rapha club in brewer street for a poached egg and avocado on sourdough toast breakfast, avoiding those glued to their touchscreens was a bit of an obstacle course. how any of those folks arrived home safely each evening, is quite beyond reasonable belief. while i could, i feel, reasonably blame the digital encroachment on 'normal' life, in truth, it's those in thrall to digits and pixels that are the root of the problem.

euro ncap

and creating digital solutions for digital problems seems more likely to compound the error, rather than fix it. while we've possibly all been guilty of blaming the hapless computer for what was, in essence, a human problem, the potential for this to become de rigeur is close to becoming endemic.

if evidence for this contention is required, might i cite the recent announcement of safety protocols from the european new car assessment programme (euro ncap). while we have naively thought that avoidance of any coming together between motor cars and cyclists rests on each being aware of the other and ensuring that neither the twain shall meet, in fact, what we've all been waiting for is the dutch government's readiness to fund a project that resulted in this 'cyclist detecting' protocol. lest this seem all a tad too convoluted when viewed from the saddle, according to a euro ncap board member and senior policy advisor at the netherlands ministry of transport, the protocol was inpired by "...the drive to save cyclists' lives."

euro ncap

as i understand it, this protocol, when implemented via the sensors installed on modern motor vehicles, is designed to apply the brakes when a cyclist is reliably detected. though there are vehicles currently sporting such technology, until this recent development, there was no standard to which manufacturers need adhere. in fact, as it stands, these euro ncap protocols are only advisory, though since they inevitably aid auto manufacturers' marketing departments when it comes to promoting intrinsic selling points, wholesale adoption is rarely a problem.

the bit that worries me slightly (actually, that's a lie; it worries me a lot) is that motorists may conceivably come to rely on their vehicle's sensors rather than their own perceptions. after all, why bark when you own a dog?

saturday 28 april 2018

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a welcome alement

brewdog chaingang

with all roads on islay leading to debbie's (admittedly, only if you ride a bike), each and every sunday morning bike ride ends with a coffee and, on occasion, a smidgeon of cake. for well do we know of the intrinsic connection between cycling and coffee; heck, there's even a velominati rule concerning which particular style to sup (rule #56), yet there are still those who choose to ignore the protestations and recommendations of their peers and opt to drink tea instead. personally, i have no real qualms about the art of tea-drinking, but it seems tantamount to a treasonable offence, avoiding a post-ride coffee.

brewdog chaingang

in this sense, cycling appears in dramatic contrast to sports such as rugby and soccer, both of which would appear to demand an altogether different approach to liquid refreshment. though mostly resulting in my getting battered silly, i attempted to play rugby at school and was even offered the opportunity to become a line-judge for one of the local teams. the sticking point, well judged in hindsight, was the likelihood of everyone retiring to the local pub after both rugby matches and training. neither of my parents thought it a wizard wheeze for their teenage son to frequent such hostelries.

in retrospect, the supping of froth-topped alcohol hardly seems in keeping with the ritual honing of the perfect physique. though i'm not a regular reader of the comic, debbie's is kind enough to offer a weekly copy for the perusal of the cycling cognoscenti. and within those pages, i cannot honestly recall learning of a beer or lager based diet that might contribute towards a faster sprint or grimpeurship to die for. yet, on occasion, there has been advice to indulge in only a single, strong espresso before heading out for an early morning, fat-burning ride.

but then, you all knew that anyway.

brewdog chaingang

we can all readily accept that imperial works has continually expanded the locations of its rapha clubs and local chapters, intent on creating a worldwide cycling fraternity, that can pretty much always find a clubhouse in which to quaff froth and a peloton with which to ride (unless you live north of the border that is). irrespective of your opinion of their clothing, it's hard to mistake their motives for anything other than encouragement of the velocipedinal milieu and at least they are well entrenched within the cycling firmament.

that, to be pefectly blunt, is not necessarily something regularly attributed to purveyors of beer, such as the mavericks at aberdeenshire's brewdog.

brewdog chaingang

not only have brewdog created a chain gang for velocipedinal aficionados of their particular produce, but now offer a range of branded merchandise, in collaboration with the revered milltag, the better to fit in with any intended pelotonic activity. though any pledge to the cause is to be welcomed with open track mitts, i'm afraid the connection between alcohol and cycling has me a tad mystified. yet, accordng to their website, brewdog already have over 500 members spread across the uk, canada and spain. unlike rapha, aberdeen's brewers offer three chapters within less than easy reach of the croft: aberdeen, edinburgh and dundee, none of which could be said to be proximitous to scotland's west coast.

however, as an avowed teetotaller, i doubt i should be seen to complain uneccesarily.

i am, however, scarcely naive enough to think that my stance on certain genres of liquid refreshment could be considered the norm in modern society. therefore, if your own proclivities are the polar opposite of my own and you're inclined to ride your bicycle on scotland's east coast (or calgary, york or san sebastian for that matter), this might be the very club you've been looking for. and even if the immediate locale is bereft of a brewdog chapter, the invitation to become a ride leader is there for all to accept.

maybe 'twill be but a matter of a few years before we see froomey, nairo and the lads supping a brew en-route to the champs elysees, having ditched the more customary champagne.

brewdog chaingang

friday 27 april 2018



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a modular solution

infento

the scottish minister for transport and the islands, humza yousaf, recently tweeted, asking advice on how to help his nine year-old daughter learn to ride her bike. as a fine upstanding scottish citizen who didn't vote for the snp in the first place, i sent a reply, based on years of experience assisting a constant stream of the kids under the jurisdiction of mrs washingmachinepost, not to mention my own two when they were at that age. no doubt, with over 74,000 followers, he garnered more than sufficient well-meaning advice to help solve the situation.

however, once the child learns to be independent on two wheels, that's when the real problems begin. though it's likely less of a worry on the islands, where life is ostensibly safer for kids, but unaccompanied youngsters on a bicycle are probably mostly in danger from themselves, there's the never ending problem of growth. junior bicycles are often classified by wheel size rather than frame, and it's often quite hard for even the most doting of parents to suss out the correct size. in fact, for the financially pressed, there's every likelihood that a size larger than pragmatic will be acquired so that they'll 'grow into it'.

infento

if only there was a practical solution to the average child's growth spurts. for there's little argument that children in their early teens are less than acquainted with present-day economics, wanting a larger bicycle on the very day that the need presents itself. in a round about sort of way, the solution closely resembles a life-size version of lego or meccano.

the curiously named infento offers a wide range of kits that ought to keep most kids on wheels for more than just a year or two. these include the obviously named junior kit, inventor kit, creator kit and for those intent on becoming master of the world, the master creator kit. of course, it's eminently possible that the quandary over which size of proper bicycle to purchase, has been supplanted by which kit to order. and that's hardly taking into account the build time for several of the included variations. for instance, though a trimax scooter ought to occupy a mere 90 minutes of construction time, infento advise that the speedster trike takes a more time-consuming five hours.

infento

based on my own experience of assembling toys ordered by my better half, i'd imagine those might err on the conservative side, thus eating into valuable personal cycling time. and much as i'm in favour of pandering to the kids in an effort to provide them with the little luxuries in life, there has to be a line drawn somewhere. and were you to involve one of the little darlings in the build process in order that they receive early years mechanical training, five hours might very well be the thin end of the wedge.

strictly speaking, many of the variations offered by infento are not bicyces as we would know them, but are surely an attractive alternative to computer games. getting kids out and about at an early age will hopefully convince them that skin is quite adequately waterproof and that mum and dad are not suffering from dementia when one or other takes to the bicycle on a wet and windy sunday morning. according to the company's website, kit prices range from around £125 for the go kit to a few pounds short of £600 for the master creator kit.

infento

the purist in me figures that a proper bicycle is the more traditional way to go, but purely for the various possibilities that an infento kit offers the curious youngster, these might be more than worth considering. and the inquisitor in me wonders if there would be mileage (pardon the pun) in an adults version.

infento

thursday 26 april 2018



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the solitary cyclist

the solitary cyclist

every season, though i don't go out of my way looking for it, the peloton garners a hue that is either subtley different from the previous year or, in extreme circumstances, altogether drastically different. it's primarily as a result of the demise of certain teams, amalgamation of others and the arrival of some new kids on the block. or, as in the case of team sky, it could simply be that the management fancied a change of colour. there is not, however, any way of escaping the fact that the majority of changes are made at the behest of team sponsors.

the solitary cyclist

consider the possibility that one of those sponsors may have changed either the corporate colours or the logo itself, factors that can conceivably take place even while the season is underway. who can forget the addition of 21st century fox to the back of team sky's bibshorts when the whole sky thing took corporate hierarchies to a different level? or, perhaps more to the point, who can remember? in cases such as the above, you have to feel for the poor jersey designer; joy, that he/she has retained or arguably improved their career prospects, despair that the sponsor's logo has been enlarged from 18pt to 24pt due to increased financial input.

the solitary cyclist

as one major british cycle clothing manufacturer edges towards offering reassuringly expensive custom kit, we ought, therefore, to celebrate the freedom that we as self-proclaimed graphic designers (in some cases, at least) have at our fingertips. when recently deciding to update the locally iconic debbie's jersey, we were able to take direct influence from a vintage jersey discovered online. by massaging the colours to match the original, altering the wording and removing textual attributes no longer relevant, we were able to become g.c. ristorante debbie's, the ideal means of further confusing an islay public that couldn't really care less anyway.

the solitary cyclist

but of course, it hardly stops there. the opportunities to profess affinity with the annual race calendar are, to be frank, quite endless, a situation that has given rise to some quite appalling visual statements. generally speaking, artistic restrictions can force simple and bold statements that would have been likely diluted, were there an artistic free-for-all in force. or, rather, not in force. to achieve any sort of velocipedinal acceptance within the coterie of the adoring masses, there ought to be some relevance to the parcours about to be celebrated. for instance, it is often considered a point of honour to incorporate a reference to unkempt cobbles if referencing paris-roubaix. if the latter restriction is to be ignored, that's a restriction all of its own.

the solitary cyclist

i'm not, it must be admitted, a t-shirt wearer of note. yes, i'm happy enough wearing one under a jumper or sweatshirt, but rarely is the hebridean climate friendly enough to indulge in a soupcon of al fresco t-shirt wearing. however, despite my idiosyncratic take on sartorial correctness, i do like a good shirt design, one that can survive on its own merits, even when an adoring public fails to comprehend the reference. i would be more than happy to wear just such a garment when attending next week's ww100 commemoration ceremony in the presence of royalty; i'm sure that those residing at gatcombe park have little to no appreciation of the ronde van vlaanderen, but assuming the style was ok, who really cares?

in a display of graphic excellence, the likes of which comes along only once or twice in a decade, the anonymous solitary cyclist has produced an enviable selection of hand screen-printed designs that favour not only the upcoming giro d'italia, but celebrates paris-roubaix, de ronde and the lion of flanders in superlative style. who could resist the opportunity to mingle with the hoi polloi, proclaiming 'de ronde' in a bold, yellow, sans serif semi circle across the back of a tee or hoodie?

but does anyone know who the 'dolomiti panthers' might be?

the solitary cyclist

wednesday 25 april 2018

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sock it to me baby

cafˇ du cycliste sock amnesty

the early days of the interweb were somewhat akin to those of the early settlers in the wild west, a period in america's history much beloved of the cinema and youngsters with roy rogers cowboy outfits. many a happy day was spent playing cowboys and indians round irritated neighbours houses; that and milk deliveries of wee chuckies to front doorsteps.

with no rule book for the creation of websites, pretty much everyone was making it up as they went along, wrangling pixels to display an approximation of that great idea drawn on the back of an envelope. early web pages really didn't do very much, partly because browsers were yet to become as sophisticated as they are now, but mostly because, still in its infancy, the network offered little in the way of bandwidth for anything as ludicrous as online transactions or form filling. graphics were frequently accompanied by low-resolution placeholders that alerted the intrepid peruser that there was soon to be a picture to look at.

not always worth the wait.

with so many different ways to present information, yet no standardised means of so doing, the inimitable jakob neilsen stepped into the fray, advising all and sundry that hyperlinks (as the digerati were wont to refer) ought best to be in blue and underlined, lest anyone should find themselves stranded on a page with no visible means of leaving. he was also known to contend that no intrinsic piece of information ought to be more than two clicks distant. thus, on arriving at the so-called home page, should you wish to contact the site's owners, any more than two clicks to find a phone number or e-mail address was something to be frowned upon.

one can only wonder what mr nielsen thinks of the more corporate and contemporary world wide web.

during those halcyon days, when the favoured search engine was alta vista, many of us used eudora for our e-mail requirements and compuserve owned access to the web's real estate, there were moments of renegade humour. for instance, though he'd presumably prefer to forget the transgression, amazon's jeff bezos, still trying to earn anything like a crust from online book sales, featured a few words in small print at the foot of amazon.com, stating "please keep both arms inside the browser window. no pixels were harmed in the making of this website."

and though it appears to have disappeared into the vacuum, there existed at one time, a website dedicated to odd socks, presumably celebrating the inexplicable fact that no matter how many pairs of socks are placed in a washing machine, on emptying, at least one individual sock will have disappeared.

quite probably completely oblivious of this fact, the perspicacious folks at café du cycliste, purely for sartorial reasons you understand, are to offer a sock amnesty from tomorrow, wednesday 25 april for one week. no doubt i'm scarcely the only cyclist with an embarrassing pair of socks in the cycling sock drawer, socks that i daren't throw away, lest the dustmen discover my covert sartorial shame.

"Many such pieces are kept in innocence or ignorance of the danger, simply overlooked or forgotten at home without regard for the possible consequences. Surrendering unwanted or inexplicably chosen socks not only avoids the risk of them becoming involved in high style crimes or misdemeanours, but ensures that they can be disposed of in a safe way.

my daughter, when many years younger and after a visit to several velocipedinal emporia in london, once informed me that cycling people were really nice. with the advent of this particular sock amnesty, it would be a hard point of view with which to argue. in return for handing over a pair of the offending articles to the café du cycliste store in london's artillery lane, the nice café people will provide a free pair of more fashionably acceptable socks in return "with not many questions asked".

in this case, you really do know it makes sense.

café du cycliste

cafˇ du cycliste sock amnesty

tuesday 24 april 2018

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