the subject of wind has, once again, reared its ugly/delightful (delete as applicable) head. i do not refer to the flatulence generated by consuming too many brussels sprouts, tins of beans or cabbages, but more specifically the sort of wind that has demolished half my garden fence. were this solely the concern of the velo club peloton, it would hardly be of consequence, but i have seen pertinent, velocipedinal enquiries surface on social media of late, so it occurs that this may be, once again, an appropriate topic for discussion.
the specifics that began this train of thought, were brought to mind on the approach to bruichladdich yesterday morning as we edged closer to debbie's for the grand départ. much against the advice of a prominent work colleague, i, and other members of the peloton, tend to consult xc weather for an indication of the degree of inclemency we might expect at this time of year. for those who have not, until now, come across this particular online weather forecasting, the display generally indicates the average wind-speed, accompanied by the maximum gust velocity over the same period.
the concern, or mystery, is from whence that average speed is derived. if i might illustrate the situation from real world experience, as we rode the five kilometres of uiskentuie strand on sunday morning, there was, in point of fact, no let-up in the headwind whatsoever. you would figure that, perhaps, one would simply find it somewhat inconvenient pedalling into a 36kph headwind, occasionally buffeted by a gust of 48kph. but the latter windspeed never let up even once along the strand, leaving us wondering where the projected 36kph had gone.
therefore, it would appear to be a matter of interpretation: in this case, 48kph would appear to be the day's birthright; 36 seems to be simply a number upon which to base the former.
however, the perception of riding a bicycle when visiting islay, seems mostly to revolve around wind and rain, both commodities of which we are rarely short. i cannot deny a certain vested interest in this perception, for i doubt the post has vehemently argued against this discernment, over the years. but, in my defence, i believe i have good reason for so doing. in the process of compiling and composing the 'cycling on islay and jura' leaflet (still available from the tourist information centre in bowmore), it seemed only honest to point out that the parcours was probably a tad breezier than other parts of the uk.
when a proof of the leaflet was sent to local community councillors for comment, two of them actively discouraged inclusion of this information, on the grounds that it might prevent cyclists from including islay in their itinerary. yet, if i were to head south to the french alps or pyrenees, would i not be likely to do so in the hope that i might bag some gratifying ascents? therefore, if your velocipedinal mindset is framed more by the spring classics than the grand tours, would a week of hebridean rain and wind not be found more suited to your purposes? not for the first time i have i considered running winter training camps for teams ineos and quickstep, to better prepare them for roubaix and flanders than a week in tenerife.
and, in answer to a question posed on social media, yes, that wind can prevail even in the summer. it is not so many years since i travelled over to jura by bicycle during the annual whisky festival at the end of may, and was subsequently stranded until late afternoon while the ferry was unable to sail or berth due to gale-force winds and stormy seas. but, as was also mentioned on social media, if you're on holiday on islay, why would you be in a hurry to get anywhere? if it's a slog in one direction, just think of the speed to be gained in the opposite direction. such was very much the case when homeward bound yesterday morning, so it's not all bad news.
and i'm happy to relate that campagnolo's 45mm bora wto carbon wheels continue to do precisely what it says on the side. the wind affects them scarcely at all.
monday 27 january 2020
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................judging by the number of folks who drop their bikes off at the croft to have a puncture 'mended', age-old values have become degraded to the point of non-existence. though i would scarcely count myself amidst the cycle retail trade anymore, i do tend to carry a selection of inner tubes, chains and gear and brake cables in order to assist the less prudent of the island's velocipedinal visitors. but something i do not feature in my minimal stock list, is a puncture repair kit.
when i were a lad, should the raleigh-twenty have suffered an unexpected deflationary incident, the process was simple enough, if inordinately frustrating at times. off would come the (bolted) wheel, out would come the inner tube and, partially re-inflated, straight into a basin of water. there would then follow an ocasionally endless search for surfacing bubbles of air in order to find the hole in the tube. part one completed, the hole would be marked with the tiny yellow crayon included with every puncture repair kit, the area encircling said hole would be lightly sanded before being smothered in rubber solution glue.
assuming there was still a suitably sized patch remaining in the kit, that would be placed over the hole prior to a light dusting with chalk, hopefully ensuring the patch would refrain from sticking to the inner surface of the tyre. all that remained was to allow time for the glue to dry and cure, before attempting to inflate the tube (with crossed-fingers), and hope that the aforementioned machinations had proved successful. failing that, the process would require repetition, but without the basin of water. success would allow the tube to be placed 'neath the tyre, the wheel re-affixed to the bicycle and your best arnold schwarzenegger impersonation would have the tyre inflated hard as nails.
i would imagine there are few, nowadays, who submit themselves to such faff. far simpler, and ultimately less precarious, to fit a new, replacement tube. it's certainly what i'd do for others; there is nothing less demoralising than handing back a repaired inner tube, only for the customer to return a day later with a flat tyre because the patch failed to adhere. that becomes doubly irritating if you happened to have been cycle-touring on islay, and the patch let go just as you reached george orwell's cottage and barnhill on the northern coast of jura.
having said that, i have met several touring individuals over the years, who carried with them nothing but a puncture repair kit, rather than a pannier full of spare inner tubes. not that i wish to appear too pessimistic, but had they found themselves with a puncture on the exposed road of uiskentuie strand in the rain, there's not a chance on earth that a) they'd be able to find the hole in the tube and b) that any patch would stick. far better to replace the tube and fix the puncture in the comparative luxury of their accommodation, even if the latter simply consisted of a tent.
however, there is an inherent problem with the replacement scenario, as opposed to that of an effective repair, namely, the dud tube. there have been a number of enterprising entrepreneurs, keen to recycle or upcycle, the defunct, yet humble, inner-tube, but that's hardly of much help in a hebridean campsite on the fringes of the north atlantic. nor, indeed, is it of any help to the environment, for those inner tubes to end up in landfill, via my green wheelie bin. thankfully, the folks at schwalbe uk would appear to have come up with an ideal (mainland) solution.
commencing in february of this year, any schwalbe dealer who has signed up to the scheme, will be willing to accept discarded inner tubes of any manufacture, both from their own workshops and customers. having filled a 15kg carton, it can be dropped off at any uk dhl depot at for return, free of charge, to schwalbe for recycling. the system has been run successfully in germany for five years and commenced in the netherlands last year. schwalbe uk's tim ward said "It's estimated that 10-20 million used inner tubes are discarded into landfill each year. Schwalbe is determined to reduce this."
it won't make a lot of difference over here, but if your local schwalbe dealer hasn't heard about this, have them e-mail recycling@schwalbe.co.uk to find out more.
sunday 26 january 2020
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................it's beginning to become obvious to me that an honours degree in future studies or fortune telling would be a distinct advantage. i'd go so far as to nominate either or both as prerequisites on my palmares when time comes for me to undertake my hypothetical annual assessment. a friend of mine, responsible for the fortunes of a multi-national business, operating in the velocipedinal milieu, was once in the habit of emphasising the need for a three or five-year plan, responsible for conditioning my approach to the future of thewashingmachinepost. though i would dearly love to appear as one at ease with such business practices, in truth, i rarely have any perspective on each day's scribblings until i sit down to write them.
however, were i to be seen as adept at spotting, or even predicting future trends, i might well have been able to present a cogent overview of the happening, modern-day bandwagon of choice, rather than approaching it in the haphazard, piecemeal fashion that is indubitably the case. yes, we are back in the never-ending story that is climate-change, not a subject that i think ought to be treated with anything other than gravity and respect, but one that balances precariously on the edge of the abyss of repeptition.
when each day's television and online news, as well as my daily newspaper, brings details of even greater fears for the future of humanity (or at least, the life to which it has become accustomed), including the half-assed manouevres of the naysayers, there's always an inherent danger that we'll get tired of it all. the advent of the all-carbon, colnago c40, was once seen as the first step into cycling's future, but nowadays, carbon is so passé, that metal has become shinier, in more ways than one.
thus, when writing about birmingham's moves to ban cars from the city centre, and endura's #onemilliontrees campaign, had i been aware of muc-off's project green, i could have combined all three into a single, perhaps more compelling feature, one that side-stepped the possibilities of repetitiveness and boredom. however, there is the not insignificant consideration of fairness to be taken into consideration; though i am scarcely beholden to any of the foregoing, commercially or otherwise, it seems only right and proper that the playing field remain perfectly level.
which brings me to 'muc-off's recently announced project green 'plastic reduction' initiative, with which the poole, dorset based cycle lubricant and cleaning company, intends to eliminate more than thirty tons (or do they mean 'tonnes'?) of plastic by 2023. additionally, in similar fashion to that of endura, muc-off have agreed to donate 1% of annual sales of their nano-tech bike wash, sold through re-fill stations, to support environmentally focused, non-profit organisations.
it's true that muc-off have hardly been complacent over the course of their existence when it comes to recycling, re-using and associated environmental issues, but this announcement looks just a bit too much like a marketing statement. why not continue with those environmental efforts in a less ostentatious manner; act, but don't tell?
by contrast, the 'green oil' company has borne its mission statement in the name since day one, some thirteen years ago, when climate-change was still referred to as global-warming. however, while any efforts to minimise our tyre-tracks on the planet are surely to be welcomed, i still have this sneaking suspicion that, if the subject were not so high on the agenda, i'd be writing about an entirely different aspect of cycling altogether.
saturday 25 january 2020
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................it's interesting how even peripheral awareness of scams carried out in oh so many ways each day, can encourage a degree of suspicion amongst the proletariat such as myself, particularly if the event under discussion sounds just a smidgeon left of centre.
the office telephone contract is held with one of britain's largest communications providers, the sales-team of which has been more than attentive of late in its ministrations to sell us a new, all singing, all dancing telephone system. it's probably as well that the sales department is unable to view the reality of the office interior; they would soon realise that availability of call-waiting, call diversion, call transfer, on-hold music and many of the other bells and whistles promised, would undoubtedly be surplus to requirements. even the print-room at the back of the building, is not sufficiently distant to prevent two-way shouting of instructions. however, it transpires that the impetus for change involves looming alterations to the plain old telephone system.
in five years' time, openreach will switch off business telecommunications via the copper wires that arrive at the nation's business hubs. at that point, all telephone transmissions will shift to the broadband connections, which, bizarrely enough, on islay at least, are carried over those selfsame copper wires, bereft as we are of 'fibre to the premises'. based on this information, perhaps you can understand my suspicions regarding these frequently infrequent phone calls.
i have made several checks as to the veracity and legitimacy of their claims and it transpires that they are correct. this in itself seems a tad lackadaisickal, for if this is indeed a situation about to impinge upon britain's business community, why, i was moved to ask, had we not received government notification? surely something of this magnitude is too important to be left to the folks in the sales office? and when our current telecoms box on the wall clearly states that it's more than capable of handling internet-based telephony, why would we wish to spend more money on a new system to effectively achieve that which we already possess?
however, the knowledge that present day communications are in an almost permanent state of flux, really should come as no surprise to anyone with even one eye on the news or daily press, least of all me. for though i still like to crack the 'joke' that elton john and i are the two individuals in the word without a mobile phone, and since he never calls me anyway, there's not really a problem, i do like to keep tabs on the less fortunate. and, apparently utterly ignorant of technology's machinations, the world of modernity continues apace, most recently espoused by britain's raleigh bicycles. for their dealers, the days of calling customer service and technical service to initiate a warranty claim, whereby the front light on a raleigh motus tour e-bike has failed after a mere three months, will no longer involve volumes of paper and waiting for an automated reply sysem to call them back before closing time.
you will, i know, laugh when i tell you that i actually (honestly) had no earthly idea whatever 'whatsapp' was. but now that i have read the press release and watched the raleigh promulgated video, i think i have acquired at least a rudimentary knowledge of the situation enabling raleigh dealers to contact the aforementioned departments via the smartphone app.
having increased the size of its customer support and technical team, raleigh's md, pippa wibberley said "With the ever-increasing demand on retailers to be responsive, Raleigh's focus on consumer centricity, resulting in changes such as these, ensures we are assisting our partners in keeping up with changing trends."
"WhatsApp will allow IBDs to submit a warranty claim quickly. All they need to send is a picture, frame-number, receipt and details of the issue. And in most cases, the customer service team will be able to give a quick answer."
with the increasing electronic augmentation of even the average bicycle, how long will it be before an e-bike is capable of generating its own wi-fi hotspot, existence of which will allow the self-diagnosing bicycle to contact the service and technical department? at that point, an artificially intelligent 'bot' will subsequently not only reply, but attempt an online repair, similar to those tech support chaps at microsoft or apple, who can login to your computer and take over the screen actions.
yes, that would be a scam today. but tomorrow?
friday 24 january 2020
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................many, many years ago, i owned a much-loved, multi-coloured sweater (or 'jumper' as i preferred to call it) which i continued to wear well past its sell-by date. in the light of modern-day ecological awareness, i would dearly like to have you believe i did so from a moral and ethical stance, but, in point of fact, it was simply because it was brilliant in every sense of that word. constructed from acrylic yarn, it had few, if any, redeeming ecological qualities; it's my understanding that, on its ultimate demise, such a constitution would have it happily live in a landfill site far longer than most of the human race. in fact, it may be curled up on a former armchair even as we speak.
the jumper's demise, as highlighted above, was ultimately promoted by mrs washingmachinepost on the grounds that the neck and armholes had been joined by far too many others. unable to refute these unassailable facts, i had it consigned to the great wheelie bin in the sky. a similar fate has more recently befallen a much-favoured pair of cycling denims, which, nonetheless, easily outlasted their manufacturer. mrs twmp claims that yours truly is an inveterate hoarder, reluctant as i appear to be, to willingly distance myself from both unused and essentially unwearable items of garmentage. she may well be correct in her assertion, for only the other day i came across several pairs of drumsticks with which the present-day me would never dream of hitting a drumhead.
always ready and willing to defend my honour, i prefer not to think of such behaviour as aberrant, but actually quite considerate, specifically towards the environment. the longer any of us continues to inhabit existing garmentage, the less requirement there will be to purchase new items, simply because we 'fancied a change'.
having moved past the world of acrylic jumpers, for the time being, at least, it would surely be seemly to concentrate more closely on the polyester, sportwool and lycra clothing that is our bread and butter (so to speak). not to be seen as overly critical, the aforementioned can scarcely be seen as environmentally-friendly, when they finally reach the end of their natural lives. though i may not be totally correct, i believe much of our exterior and interior cladding is ultimately derived from oil, a substance that will soon require to have a public relations makeover if it is to be described in anything other than disparaging terms.
more recent affinities with the archetypal 'football shirt' can but accelerate this disparagement; you may well own last year's team jersey, but purchase of this year's edition may not be the 'greta thunberg' way to go, while the original remains in almost pristine condition. and lest you fear that i exaggerate, i personally own a cycle jersey purchased fifteen years ago, which still fits perfectly and is in pristine condition (apart from a small oil stain on the hem).
however, the economic model currently adhered to by the majority of velocipedinally-inclined purveyors, is based on the premise that, as long as they keep producing new, desirable stuff, we'll keep buying it, whether we actually need it or not. in essence, the western world is entirely dependant on this process, and at the risk of pointing the finger in a specific direction, assuming we're all content to have this state of affairs continue, it would appear incumbent on the manufacturers to find an offsetting solution that will ease potential harm to the environment.
though not the first in the garmentsphere to put a cunning plan into action, scotland's endura clothing has undertaken not only to help restore mangroves in the maputo bay region of mozambique* as the first part of their #1milliontrees initiative, but will continue to donate 1% of its net profit to good causes. co-founder and brand director, pam barclay explained "While Endura can, and does, control dyestuff by choosing ethical mills, they cannot influence the energy infrastructure in China, nor can they single-handedly resolve the end of life issue." therefore, endura are now researching a chemical recycling process that can operate at scale, and might hopefully change the inherent mindset of both the industry and perhaps government.
proud to partner with the pentland centre for sustainability at lancaster university, endura's managing director, jim mcfarlane, said, "We do not have the luxury of time. The one thing we must focus on now is the climate emergency, because once the ice-caps have melted, you're not going to refreeze them any time soon." endura may not be the world's most prolific purveyor of quality cycle clothing, and, single-handedly, they're unlikely to change the world overnight. however, this initiative should be welcomed, not only for its own sake but for the kick up the chamois insert it may provide in encouraging others in the industry to join them.
that said, if i might refer to my recent article referencing birmingham's desire to remove motor traffic from the city centre, you do sort of have to wonder why this sort of thing didn't happen a long time ago, before necessity became the desparate mother of invention.
*the maputo bay region of mozambique was once covered by huge mangrove forests and estuaries, but these have been decimated by human activity over recent decades.
thursday 23 january 2020
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................as i have mentioned on far too may occasions, i am definitely not a numbers sort of person; words and pictures are just ginger peachy as far as i'm concerned, and no matter how hard i try to encompass the apparently intriguing world of numbers, my boat refuses to float. this can become a minor irritation when advertisers or bicycle distributors enquire after the monthly statistics that are a concomitant part of any type of webhosting. for, while there are many who track every relevant (and many irrelevant) web metrics for purposes that are at least two levels above my pay grade, i cannot honestly say that i understand the numbers, no matter how beautifully presented as pie charts and histograms by my webhost.
however, even were i to knuckle down, feign serious interest, and begin to approach comprehension of the pages and pages of pixelated statistics, they stop short at the one piece of information that might help fashion that which follows. while i could ascertain just how many folks read on a daily or monthly basis, from which country and for how long, neither my webhost nor i have the faintest idea as to the ages of the aforementioned interweb visitors. arming myself with this nugget of wisdom might conceivably have avoided the short, but perhaps unnecessary explanation outlined below.
during the ten years from 1983 until 1993, japanese component manufacturer, shimano, introduced two versions of an ovalised chainring marketed as biopace and subsequently biopace 2. the supposed rationale behind their technology revolved around (pardon the sequential puns) the reputed 'deadspot' experienced by the rider when the cranks were in the vertical position, where no downward pressure could be applied. shimano claimed that biopace evened out the rotational forces, allowing constant propulsion from the intrepid, yet probably unconcerned rider.
while many cyclists no doubt convinced themselves of the alluded benefits, more than just a few claimed to suffer unduly from knee problems, allegedly engendred by biopace. subsequently, biopace 2 chainrings were introduced, in which the ovalisation had been lessened in favour of rotundity. however, if you've been paying attention, or i'd been offered demographic information by my webhost, you would perhaps have noted that the period in which biopace attempted to reign supreme, coincided with that of the mountain bike's supremacy.
given the latter's need to offer house-climbing gears, the fact that biopace had a lower limit of 28 teeth, created an apparently insurmountable obstacle. when shimano eventually developed their hyperglide ramps and pins to assist with the chain's movement between rings, even biopace 2 proved incompatible, offering shimano the ideal excuse to quietly drop the whole thing. the velocipedinally observant will be aware that oval chainrings have not gone away altogether, but biopace they certainly aren't.
with that out of the way, i can now address all and sundry, without fear of any potential ageism faux pas, for this portion of my monologue concerns itself with cutting edge technology for which many will be eagerly awaiting the opportunity to become an early adopter sooner, rather than later. with the 2020 tour down under already underway, the sort of bicycle technology we can all look forward to (did that sound earnest?) is on early display after a winter in the corporate workshop.
though i'd steadfastly maintain that hydraulic disc brakes on a road bike are an unnecessary accoutrement, it appears that the professional peloton agrees not, with an apparent wholesale adoption of this arresting technology (see what i did there?). with the happening partnerships between world tour teams and those inhabiting formula one, cycling technology now has a big brother who, evidently, has every intention of forcing his sibling to maybe grow up a bit quicker than he'd like.
it cannot be too long before someone extends the disc meme to encompass discs on both sides of the wheel. not only would this demand a new groupset facilitating such massive stopping power, but, obviously enough, a new carbon frame, manufacture of which, i believe, is set to become cheaper than that of aluminium. it's then only a few baby steps towards vented carbon disc rotors; it would suprise me not at all to learn that these are already under development. however, for the time being, disc life proceeds at a less frenetic pace.
one of the factors that, till now, has scarcely raised its ugly head in relation to bicycles, is that of heat dissipation. granted, there are a few disc calipers that feature small fins promising to cool the act of stopping before the hydraulic fluid exhibits any propensity to boil in the hoses, however, my reading of the fact that not all have adopted this ostentation, leads me to conclude that it may be more cosmetic than pragmatic. but the boffins at bahrain mclaren with demonstrably greater knowledge of fluid dynamics and laminar airflow than yours truly, would presumably beg to differ. they have equipped the team's merida bicycles with cooling fins attached to the front fork leg and on the chainstay, just ahead of the seatstay junction. the theory behind these aerodynamic aberrations relies on disruption of the airflow; the faster the bike, the cooler the discs.
wtf?
wednesday 22 january 2020
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................the large motorised cavalcade following this week's australian tour down under notwithstanding, cycling, along with walking, has an enviable reputation for being a relatively benign, green mode of transport. to an extent, both need minimal infrastructure to function, particularly if kept separate from motorised traffic. sacramento, for example, has around thirty miles of two-lane cycle track, with walking/running provision alongside, conveniently estranged from the adjacent roadway (as well as from folsom prison). on a far less ostentatious scale, islay has three miles of tarmac pathway leading from port ellen village to ardbeg distillery, passing both laphroaig and lagavulin distilleries en-route.
granted, the latter route can be a tad inconvenient for both walkers and cyclists in the summer months, when whisky aficionados, unsteady on their feet, tend to overpopulate the tarmac, carrying bags laden with whisky bottles. having to continually shout 'excuse me!" all the way to ardbeg and back, eventually becomes a bit tiresome. however, the path serves its purpose well by having essentially removed the whisky visitors from the road, meaning several less obstacles with which the pelotonese once had to contend.
with the oft-mentioned obesity crisis affecting both the adult and school-age population, government agencies and the national health service have been at pains to have us take more exercise, to get out of the car and onto our feet or saddles. such advice is geared (pardon the pun) to improve the nation's general well-being and simultaneously reduce the pressure on the nhs. quite how well that advice has been/is being heeded is an arguable point. but the aforementioned persuasions were made ahead of current concerns that we edge ever nearer to the climate change abyss, reports of which populate every newspaper and news report at present.
keen observation of newsworthy phenomena will frequently elicit the view, that there rarely exists a bandwagon onto which someone is not willing to jump: gluten-free, veganism, climate change, hybrid cars, e-bikes; the list grows longer by the day. the news that the city of birmingham (uk) is vying to become the first in the country to rid its centre of the motor car, is no doubt a sensible and salient response to the inevitability of climate change. it is an admirable stance by the conurbation notorious for spaghetti junction, one that they apparently borrowed from belgium's mediaeval city of ghent. the latter implemented a traffic-free plan in 2017 with significant practical and economic success.
birmingham's plan revolves around removing perceived and actual barriers to cycling or walking, while making driving across town a bit more inconvenient. ghent's deputy mayor, filip watteeuw contends that "(a city's) best car plan, is a bike plan." a sizeable proportion of the belgian city's traffic congestion was discovered to have been caused by too many motorists undertaking short trips that could just as easily have been made on foot or by bicycle. thus, ghent's solution was to make a 300 metre car trip into one lasting two kilometres.
you do have to admire their thinking.
however, now that birmingham intends to follow suit, the question we must ask ourselves is 'why now'? there's little doubt that this single action not only promises to improve the health of many 'brummies', but it will undoubtedly ease congestion in the city centre and improve the city's air quality by removing pollution from heavily populated areas. but, while the move seems to come with the best of municipal intentions, the bandwagon still hovers eerily in the background. had ms thunberg not raised the spectre of climate change to that of global importance, would birmingham have chosen this voluntary course of action?
after all, cycling has been available as a healthy, low-pollution option since the late nineteenth century, and walking has been an option ever since adam and eve went looking for apple trees. never once was either of the preceding seen to implore humanity to move in the opposite direction and wholeheartedly embrace the motor car as a viable, noisier and destructive alternative. so my inherent cynicism, while welcoming almost any strategy that will shift the balance in favour of cycling, still has this niggling doubt over birmingham's true motives. a quarter of all car journeys in the city are under one mile (a trait, if not a percentage, shared by many a town and city, including that of bowmore on islay), while cycle trips number a pitiful 1%; so they have a great deal of scope for improvement. however, once we're past the first few towns and cities to move in this direction, all the brownie points will have been used up and a new bandwagon will need to be recruited.
meanwhile, ghent has cleaner air, with nitrogen oxide levels down 20% in the last three years, proving, if nothing else, that banning cars is one ginger peachy idea. so why has it taken rising sea levels, coastal erosion, worsening weather and australian bushfires to recognise that we were right all along? after all, i've been writing this stuff for the last 23 years.
tuesday 21 january 2020
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