..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

matrix waxy maize and scottish oats carbo powder

strictly speaking, the word ethnic relates specifically to national and cultural origins. it's the word that is often included in surveys that hope to learn, at least in part, a localised demographic based on origins. but it is also an ideal get out clause in tricky situations where a clash of tastes might lead to some verbal disagreement at worst and a mere cooling of relationships at best. its use in this situation is based predominantly on a vagueness of perception; not everyone has quite figured out the specific definition of the word ethnic, and even if they have, you might still get away with it.

allow me to illustrate by way of an example. you have been invited round to dinner at the home of a good friend, partly for the food and partly that they might show off the very latest in house furnishings. the fact that matters of taste will inevitably enter the equation are likely uppermost in both sets of minds, hoping that any clash will be suitably and amicably ameliorated. and that's precisely where the word ethnic plays its trump card.

mrs washingmachinepost and i have a plain brown leather suite consisting of two sofas and my comfy writing chair. truthfully, there is little to be objectionable about, but the scatter cushions might raise one or two eyebrows, particularly by those who are less than impressed with the notion of scatter cushions in the first place. hopefully these cushions can remain their personable selves and sit anonymously in the background. but there's always the chance that mrs twmp might ask someone's opinion.

unless the askee truly delights in the fashionability of such items, the only acceptable answer to any query as to their appropriateness is "those are positively, ethnic". i'm sure you can see just how that avoids digging a hole from which there is no escape. it's the very statement that allows for amenable interpretation on behalf of both parties.

while i rather hope i have provided the means to avert almost certain social estrangement, it only serves to underline that taste is very much a personal affair and not necessarily transferable amongst consenting adults. and that's something that applies equally to the sort of taste that concerns consumption of food and drink.

many a honed athlete has achieved their present level of health, wellbeing and fitness not only by attention to an excercise and fitness regime, but by augmenting such preparations with certain allowable supplements. these may take the form of carbohydrates, proteins and mineral bars or shakes; the sort of thing that will hopefully assist with dietary requirements and or muscle repair following intense exercise.

considering my oft mentioned aversion to training in any shape or form, i would surely side with your suspicion as to my appropriate qualifications for making any pertinent comment concerning supplements such as that i am about to bring to your attention. you will however, doubtless sympathise with my desire to explore the benefits of the combined joys proffered by matrix waxy maize and scottish oats, particularly concerning the latter ingredient.

aside from this self-confessed distaste for a training schedule, the second part of my ineptitude concerns paying attention to words, numbers and pictures on the website of the supplement centre who were kind enough to send the product for evaluation. the picture of a black plastic tub of waxy maize and scots oats looked as if it bore a verisimilitude to a small tub of such as apricot conserve, thus the very equal of my modest requirements. had i lifted mine eyes only a matter of millimetres, i would have noted the weight of said small plastic container, for on arrival it transpired i had received five kilograms of beige powder which, it has to be said, in its raw state is less than appealing to the carbohydrate hungry honed athlete.

however, inside the substantially sized container (you'd almost have to train to lift it onto the kitchen table) is a clear plastic scoop, allowing a simple way of measuring each dose of carbohydrates.

aside from its unappetising look, it would be hard to say that a suitably mixed, recommended solution of waxy maize and scottish oats took on a more appealing form factor. mixing two scoopfuls with around 500ml of plain water produced a grainy fluid that needs a lot of shaking to dissolve unwanted clumps of powder. due to its granularity and relatively bland flavour, i'd be hard pushed to approve of taking a bottle with you on the bike; there's little doubting its possibility for physical improvement, but in my opinion, taste is everything and i'm just not sure that this would be the flavour i'd be gasping for in moments of velocipedinal need.

however, all is not in vain. though you are at liberty to substitute cows milk for my soya preference, mixing two scoopfuls with 500ml of soya milk on return from busting a gut bears not only the professed advantages, but provides a rather satisfying shake without the cloying sweetness of fructose and glucose and an overbearing flavour. i have read all the literature that accompanies the product and though i am not well enough versed in the appropriate sciences, i'm quite willing to take their word that my personal being is being irredeemably enhanced.

i'm not even sure that i exercise long enough or hard enough to experience all the concomitant potential benefits, but i get the distinct impression that such is scarcely the point. i have now adopted a post-ride habit of mixing a bottle on return and slurping on the way to the shower. there is no unpleasant aftertaste and all those carbohydrates must surely be infiltrating my honed physique with unfettered alacrity.

after all, it has scottish oats in it, so what's not to like?

a 5kg tub of matrix waxy maize and scottish oats has a recommended retail price of £34.99, but currently sells for £20.99 from the supplement centre

tuesday 3rd september 2013