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'tis the season to be jolly

after playing in a schools' windband concert on wednesday eve, followed by port ellen primary school's pantomime on friday evening, and the necessity to edit photos and write reviews of both, you can, perhaps, understand why scribbling a lot of words about bicycles was just a christmas cracker too far. but, having garnered your sympathy for my purported typist's cramp, i confess that the arrival of the double album strasbourg '82 by art blakey and the jazz messengers on vinyl, pretty much obliterated what was left of my friday afternoon.

probably the worst part of that admission is that i don't regret a minute of it. album of the year without a doubt. back tomorrow i hope.

saturday 13 december 2025

waste it wisely

my heading today comes courtesy of the fine folks at rapha, included in an e-mail advising that this year's festive 500 will soon be upon us. for those new to the game, the inspiration for this annual outpouring of festive energy was former senior designer at rapha, graeme raeburn who, finding himself with a surfeit of spare time over the festive period in the latter part of this century's first decade, decided to see if he could ride 1000km between christmas eve and new year's eve. i'm happy to relate that graeme was successful, and the following year, when rapha was the artist formerly known as rapha, it was decided to create a similar challenge consisting of half the distance covered by graeme (1000km seeming just a tad too anti-social to succeed).

in the first year, 94 intrepid raphalites admitted to having participated, including yours truly, as it seemed the ideal means of avoiding watching endless tv repeats and having to visit friends and relatives. five hundred kilometres over the space of eight days requires a daily average of 62.5km, a distance for which i had planned ahead, taking into account that it was probably a good idea to constrain the christmas day ride to around half that. my choice of route, however, was completely upended by an uncharacteristic amount of snow falling on christmas eve, eve, and remaining in place for nigh on five days; almost unheard of on islay.

the first section of my planned route was along the main roads, all of which had been snowploughed and gritted, but one of the connecting singletrack roads hadn't been touched. and despite being aboard my cyclocross bicycle (at the time, an ibis hakkalugi), i was unable to ride fast enough to keep warm; i could feel neither my fingers or toes, rendering me unable to change gear or apply the brakes, and resulting in a couple of tumbles along the first five kilometres of untreated singletrack road (though i did have a soft landing and no injuries). i had thus to alter my route for the remainder of the challenge.

as i have advised on several occasions, islay is prone not only to periods of continuous rain at this time of year, but also the inevitable strong winds (the latter being repeated at the present time; we had no ferries for three days and it looks like none tomorrow either). so those 62.5 daily kilometres usually grow to nearer 80, allowing for at least one day being placed out of reach due to safety concerns. in ten years of riding the festive 500, i failed to complete the distance only once, after losing two days to galeforce winds and insufficient time to make up the shortfall. but there were plenty of consecutive days of heavy rain, meaning wet floors and a backlog of drying bibtights and jerseys.

after ten years, i figured i'd achieved enough, and i have now resorted to attempting a festive 250, coincidentally easily achieved by riding to debbie's and back each day.

however, the festive 500 was conceived as a challenge; it was apparently a bit of a spur-of-the-moment decision by graeme to ride through the holiday, and not something to which he had dedicated weeks of structured training. so it comes as something of a disappointment that rapha seem continually to move the goalposts (in a manner of speaking). firstly, a few years ago, they welcomed those undertaking the challenge on zwift, turning it, in effect, from an uphill challenge, into a bit of a hobby. where, i ask myself, is the comparison between riding in rain, wind, frost, snow, or sat on a bicycle in the sitting room watching the tv repeats that the 500 was supposed to avoid? if the latter was to prove a viable option, i feel a minimum of 2,000km ought to have been imposed.

in previous years, rapha has helpfully published articles by those who have completed previous 500s, advising those new to the game how they might best approach the eight days in december. this year, however, they have teamed up with matt rowe to provide "...structured workouts and top tips ahead of the challenge." to me, that seems to greatly undermine the original nature of the beast. there's no doubt that riding the festive 500 in inclement weather is a worthy challenge, but undertaking a training regime in advance surely alters the paradigm, and not necessarily for the best.

to all those intending to ride the 2025 festive 500 you have my undying admiration and i genuinely hope you succeed. but i exclude any who are planning on zwifting it and i'd suggest avoidance of any advance training. i was in my mid-fifties when first i rode the festive 500 and in my mid-sixties when i decided to stop. advance training was never a part of the equation, yet i successfully completed it a total of nine times.

if i could do so untrained and outdoors in all weathers, so can you. embrace the original meaning of the challenge.

friday 12 december 2025

it wasn't us

my art teacher at secondary school held a keen interest in amateur dramatics, leading him to form a school drama club through which we would present a play in the school assembly hall each year. i recall being stage manager for noel coward's blithe spirit and the earlier production of johnny jouk the jibbet, through which i learned not only how to properly stage manage, but to construct and paint scenery flats in a manner that allowed us to close in on a professional approach. my teenage apprenticeship subsequently allowed me to paint the scenery and backdrops for the annual school pantomime at my kids' primary school, a task i continued for several years after they had moved onto secondary school.

the fascination with scenery, other than the fact that i couldn't act worth tuppence, was building the end product, where, combined with astute lighting choices, created a stage convincingly like the interior of whichever room, or building interior was the setting for the action. wander round backstage, however, and the fallacy was all too apparent. often the scenery flats were painted on both sides, allowing for mid-play scene changes. each section of the scenery featured very large hooks at each side into which extendable stage supports could be hooked, kept in place by heavy weights on the floor. on tables and chairs were additional props that might be required by an actor. re-entering carrying a tray with four cups and a milk jug was a very convincing means of implying that said actor really had gone to a kitchen, boiled a kettle, poured the milk and returned to the scene eagerly watched by a captivated audience.

it is, in effect, the art of illusion; nobody should, for one minute, suspect that the whole enchilada could be dismantled in minutes, returning the stage to an empty platform to be occupied by the head teacher at assembly next morning. the same applies to theatres throughout the land; the suspension of belief is part of the cunning plan; we should simply enjoy that which transpires on stage without needing to be aware of how the production was realised.

the same goes for newspaper/magazine production. the text or narrative should be seamless, not drawing attention to itself, simply presenting that which the editor wishes his or her readers to encounter. page layout ought best serve its basic function: presenting words and illustrations in a neutral manner; unless the subject is graphic design, nobody should open a newspaper and marvel at how well the designer has arranged the page. that part should be quite transparent.

same goes for the words, unless the publication or website is concerned wholly with literary matters, or the writer is aiming to make a specific point.

which is why i do wonder about the latest entry into the world of cycling media - velora though i'm aware that a velora is a type of beetle, perhaps peter stuart and danny bellion didn't quite make it that far. perhaps their artificial intelligence programme figured that, as long as the title contained the word 'velo', what could possibly go wrong?

stuart is a former editor at cyclingnews.com, while bellion is former head of ai at financial technology firm capital on tap. their joint mission is apparently to rethink how cycling journalism is produced, making substantial use of artificial intelligence to automate as may of the processes as possible. they do, however, contend that they expect to keep human editors in charge of the end product. the press release, as revealed on bikbiz.com, pays great attention to their projected use of artificial intelligence, stating that bellion "has led the build of velora's technology stack, grounded in multi-agent ai pipelines", which, to be honest, is as clear as mud.

they further contend that "most online content has remained the same for the past 20 years", without, apparently, examining whether that might be by design. after all, if the audience wishes to read about cycling, the end result will surely be a reflection of what cycling is all about? and ultimately, that readership couldn't give two disc-brakes whether the content was produced by a large language model example of artificial intelligence, or a hard-working journalist who stayed up past their bedtime to ensure the article was wholly relevant and grammatically correct. to take a lesson from the world of dramatics, what goes on behind the scenes is not part of the equation.

yet despite this much-vaunted use of bespoke, cutting edge production technology, the end product looks set to simply continue the trend reputedly set over the last 20 years. take a look via the link below; doesn't it remind you of another recently created cycling website that makes great use of orange and black?

veloracycling.com

wednesday 10 december 2025

rules is rules

a number of years ago, long before covid became a topic of conversation, i met a group of visiting cyclists on a friday afternoon at debbie's in bruichladdich. they commendably acknowledged my presence as a fellow velocipedinist, before returning to their ordnance survey map of islay, over which much discussion ensued. since there seemed to be little in the way of agreement over whatever was their cunning plan, i interrupted the increasing volume of conversation, to ask if i might be of assistance? the reply, if nothing else, attested to their meteorological naivety.

four kilometres south of bruichladdich village, lies the larger village of port charlotte, a conurbation through which it is necessary to pass if heading to portnahaven and port wemyss (the latter, as acolytes will be well aware, is home to the mighty dave-t). the direct route is by way of twelve kilometres of disintegrating, single-track road, or a more scenic meander would be via kilchiaran on the atlantic coast, some five kilometres to the west, before following an occasionally hilly parcours to converge on the aforementioned villages of port charlotte and port wemyss.

it was clear that it was in this direction the party of cyclists intended to travel, but their question to me was which of the two routes outlined above, would allow them to shelter from the wind that had so far accompanied their every move. struggling to conceal my hilarity, i explained that in order for that approach to succeed, they would need a healthy dollop of htfu. for those unaware of the advice hidden behind the acronym, might i suggest that you take a look at velominati's rule #five, and get back to me later.

the recollection that this might have been prior to the arrival of the rules is based on the fact that none of them were aware of the meaning of my reputedly humorous riposte. on revealing the answer, i can but relate that much hilarity ensued.

until the arrival of the rules, concocted by the very tall and very american frank strack (whom i once met at a london cycle exhibition - if you don't quite comprehend the aura surrounding the rules, you most certainly would if you met frank), apprenticing as a cyclist was a far more fraught affair; who could you possibly ask about literally anything peloton-related without being given the stare of disdain, or harbouring suspicions that they weren't quite telling you the truth? if ever you doubt the veracity of the rules, pay particular attention to the next mountain biker that crosses your path.

mr strack and his colleagues created the velominati website in 2010, featuring the compiled rules as guarded by the keepers of the cog, rules that were reputedly inspired by a cycling acquaintance who, through no fault of his own, continually appeared dressed in mismatched kit allied to a disregard for conventional aesthetics. working on the assumption that this individual was unlikely to be the sole standard bearer, the rules were born. for those unfamiliar, i have posted a link at the foot of this article to allow for your further education. might i humbly suggest that you take advantage of this; the rules add welcome clarity to the way of the bicycle, allowing you access to the inner sanctum and a greater appreciation of that which you aspire to become a part.

however, it is not all good news; while every dog has its day, it seems that so had the rules. for a halcyon period of time, it was rare that a sunday ride could pass by without at least one discussion of a particular rule, or a situation where the inherent humour brought a smile to the face of all but the inevitable unbeliever. for those and the uninitiated, i feel i ought to point out that, while many of the rules feature a logical and pragmatic origin, they are, by-and-large, of humorous derivation. nobody really expects the world's pelotons to adhere to all 95 of them, though i'm led to believe that more than just a few have tried.

i was reminded of their present day, apparent absence from the collective psyche at the weekend, when my cycling accompanist, agreeing not to subject ourselves to the dramatically inclement sunday weather, reminded me that we had surely provided sufficient evidence of our adherence to rules #5 and #9. if you've read since the beginning, you will already be aware of the former,but to save you looking elsewhere, let me inform you that rule #9 states: 'if you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. period.' let me state that there is not a single member of islay's 3,200 inhabitants who would dispute that as directly applicable to yours truly and at least one of my colleagues.

with the velocipedinal realm in seeming disarray, and one particular professional displaying a propensity for winning everything set before him, it might well be the very moment in time to remind ourselves of the rules, and attempt to include them in our collective pedal strokes. similar to the rules, so doing is not mandatory, but again, similar to the rules, it should be.

probably.

the rules

tuesday 9 december 2025

proper ganda

i am, by my own definition, a very hard person for whom to shop. not so much across the stretch of a year; i need stuff, just like anyone else, though as a vegetarian, there are several necessitous restrictions when it comes to food acquisition. however, though you might find counter arguments from other sources, i don't believe i'm that much different from any other cyclist in the sunday peloton.

birthdays and christmas are, of course, the most testing of times, when my protests of innocence perhaps begin to fall on deaf ears. i don't believe that singles me out as too different from the majority of readers of the post. but, in common with many other cyclists, at my advanced years, i already possess pretty much everything i need. the same goes for my percussive side, with two top quality drumsets, several snare drums, all of which are cased and more cymbals than i know what to do with. that doesn't leave much room in which to manoeuvre for mrs washingmachinepost or either of my kids when time comes to choose presents.

and then, to make matters worse, i don't really need or want anything other than the items already in my possession. if you're happy to look at bicycles and cycling as environmentally sound, ought not that to extend to personal acquisition? at the risk of coming across as overly 'preachy', could we not begin to save the world, one unnecessary possession at a time?

nonetheless, i am accepting of the knowledge that christmas in particular, is a commercial part of the year upon which many businesses and retailers depend. with 'black friday' heading ever northwards towards a month of reputed bargains, commerce is always looking for different ways of separating us from our hard-earned cash. it's not a practice upon which we should shower disdain; that's what makes the world go round. i have no idea what you all do for a living, but well do i know that if islay's population opted no longer to purchase the newspaper that occupies my working week, i'd be looking for alternative employment. it would be nice to think that we are all enticing folks to purchase products that will enhance their daily lives, but we all know that to be the stuff of fiction.

however, aside from the advertisements placed in velocipedinal print publications and their attendant websites, is it hoping for too much that the editorial content of both the above forms of media remain free from commercial proselytisation? after all, with the pages of those publications often sandwiched between advertisements, and the seemingly inevitable and increasing number of advertorials (i suppose everyone needs to make a buck, however that might be achieved), couldn't the wordy part of the equation be left unsullied?

i ask that question because i have come across more than one feature purporting to have selected potential christmas presents for the cyclists in your life. these often take the format of questions asked of the cycling magazine's members of staff (though i should point out that the practice is not confined to the velocipedinal media), each of whom will either identify an item that apparently "acted as a game-changer", or simply products they would like to find beneath the christmas tree on 25 december. unfortunately, the facade is often all too transparent, pre-fixed by a note at the top of the page advising that, "when you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission."

though reputable publications may be happy to advise readers of this on a voluntary basis, it is, in fact, a legal requirement in the usa and uk, as an essential practice for building and maintaining consumer trust. what it doesn't maintain, is the premise that the site or publication is expressing opinions that are independent of external influence (in whatever manner you choose to define those words). so when i read at the end of each choice of christmas gift, a link to an external site where i might purchase said item, i don't actually know if the publication's editor, whose opinion i might respect, has recommended the product entirely voluntarily, or because subsequent purchases might earn a few desirable pennies for the publication? (i imply no wrongdoing on the part of any individual; affiliate commissions apply to the publication).

it would be nice to think that cycling is an activity/sport that exists just outside the 'real' world, but we already know that to be a forlorn hope; the contrary can be viewed on the jerseys of our heroes every weekend and the banners that edge 'cross courses, sprint finishes and veldromes across the world. which, as a purely personal point of view, is why it would be nice to find the editorial pages and pixels free from such influence.

a guy can dream, can't he?

(that said, if affiliate commission means the difference between a publication surviving or vanishing from the shelves...)

monday 8 december 2025

what if we already know?

according to several weather forecasts, saturday was expected to be overcast, but free from rain, following friday's deluge and ferry-cancelling gales. however, with a gig in the evening at bowmore distillery, i was keen to get a little pre-percussive exercise, even if that only consisted of a quick 'cross bike ride to debbie's for lunch. it would be a foolish bike rider who headed out into the wide grey yonder without either wearing or carrying a waterproof; i am no exception, for which i am truly grateful.

with very light mizzle in the air as i dragged the crux, kicking and screaming from the bikeshed, i headed to my fate. the mizzle turned to drizzle, turned to rain, and finally to heavy rain before i'd even reached bridgend, five kilometres away.

when i finally got to debbie's for my soya latte and double-egg roll, the others in the cafe were happy to confirm that the weather had not been expected to be quite so inclement, as i silently dripped on the floor. invariably true in such cases, the return journey pretty much reversed the process, with streaks of brightness appearing on the horizon and virtually no rain as i strived to put the bike back in the shed.

the evening's festive gig at bowmore distillery (a repeat venue from last year), was great fun, the raffles raising over £700 for local charities, while i consumed more than my fair share of cheese and onion pasties. and when time came to dismantle the drums and stow them in the back of my son's van, the mizzle had returned.

i had previously e-mailed my sunday cycling colleague to advise that, following the gig, i intended to indulge in as much sleep as i could manage at one sitting, so planned only to repeat saturday's ride to debbie's and back. his reply indicated he was more than happy to do likewise. however sunday morning dawned grey and wet, with the forecast of higher winds and substantially more rain, coincidentally, at the very time we planned to ride for coffee and toasties.

with clothing still drying from saturday's escapade, though i have a reputation to uphold as someone stupid enough to ride in all manner of meteorological conditions, i really didn't fancy getting soaked once again (despite owning an entire wardrobe of quality waterproofs). so, on arising this morning, i once again e-mailed my cycling friend to advise that perhaps we should declare 'discretion is the better part of valour' as the watchword for the day and remain in the comfort of our respective homes.

his reply? "yeah, we have nothing to prove, we know we are rule five & nine. let's stay dry and revel in our glory."

to quote the mahavishnu orchestra song title, 'you know, you know.' hopefully, you know too.

sunday 7 december 2025

diluted

i'd imagine that a majority of cycling apparel purveyors/manufacturers have had to tighten their belts recently. rapha has made a financial loss for more years than i'm sure they're happy to admit, joined this year by livingston-based endura, currently owned by pentland brands; not only are both very much poorer, but both, to a perceptible degree, seem to have lost their way in recent years. not that i wish to be quoted verbatim, but it does seem a tad coincidental that both companies have suffered negative consequences following external takeovers and the sidelining, voluntarily or otherwise of their founding and guiding lights.

there have been, of course, what i believe would be colloquially referred to as financial headwinds making life harder for the bottom line, headwinds which have spread even farther afield within the cycle industry. if evidence were required, i might cite campagnolo's current woes, and the disappearance of one or two others. perhaps we should simply be grateful that both rapha and endura still exist, ready and willing to serve our every apparel requirements (except that, to a certain degree, they don't).

at least rapha's current ceo, fran millar, following the appointment of three previous incumbents who seem mostly to have presided over the company losing sight of that which originally made its fortune, seems to be aware of what once was, and that now trying to regain some of it might be a pragmatic way forward. having spent a part of her career at team sky, and as sister of former professional cyclist and broadcaster, david millar, she at least has an affinity with cycling and presumably shares our enthusiasm for both the sport and the activity. when she bleeds, it's probably in black and pink.

jim mcfarlane, founded endura in the early nineties, over ten years before rapha moved into kentish town's imperial works. the company was originally formed to design and manufacture a cycle helmet; the clothing part, though hardly an afterthought, was not the primary objective. the company was sold to pentland brands in 2018, with jim and partner pam barclay remaining in situ as directors. chirag patel, chief operating officer of pentland brands at the time of the purchase, stated, "We'll be supporting Jim, Pam and their team by giving them access to our extensive resources and network that, as a global brand management company, we can offer."

in 2022, jim and pam announced they were standing down from day-to-day management of the business. according to companies house, mcfarlane resigned as a director of the company in january of 2024, as did ms. barclay. she is now involved with ventures in the property sector, as well as the charity, endura lifecycle trust.

so what was once scotland's premier, if not only, world class cycling apparel company, now looks to be an entirely different kettle of fish altogether. the company closed down its custom clothing facility in march this year, a few years behind rapha closing down their own custom offering after a very brief period in the sun. just how much of the endura range is still produced in the livingston facility is open to discussion. however, pentland brands has claimed that it remains fully behind the brand, a commitment that may well have resulted in the current advert for a vice-president of design, though perhaps tellingly, the position will be based in london, not scotland.

and this from the company that once featured an inner-label stating 'if you think the spring classics are bad, try scotland.' i'm somewhat unsure how a designer based in london will identify with the considerably less clement weather found north of the border. it was the 'designed in scotland' badge that gave the company an enhanced credibility. however, reading through the advert only makes matters perceptibly worse. The role demands that the successful applicant "aligns to brand pillars, brand DNA, introducing innovation, and seasonal trend to the product creation process." should that be insufficient of a concern, there's always the "ability to have an aperture that widens and houses highly commercial opportunities, able to focus on innovation to unlock future success."

hardly cycling-centric language.

what is conspicuous by its absence, other than identifying the 'cycle-to-work' scheme as a travel perk, and that they are less than concerned as to what cycling genre fills the applicants' weekends, is any other mention of cycling at all. one of rapha's original designers was graeme raeburn, a man as obsessed with cycling as he was with the minutiae of apparel design. that's not to say that the person who eventually becomes endura's vp of design, won't be a dyed-in-the-wool velocipedinist with an entire peloton of bicycles in the bike shed. but would it have been too much trouble to suggest it as a highly desirable attribute when describing the role.

and while we're discussing the latter, is endura actually regarded as a 'global market leader' run by 'mavericks with a mission'?

saturday 6 december 2025

teacher says

mrs washingmachinepost works at the nursery incorporated into the nearby primary school, bringing with her over twenty-years of childminding experience. though i also teach drumming at the adjacent secondary school, that's only for a couple of hours each week; i wouldn't have her job for all the tea in china, a sentiment with which many of my female colleagues and acquaintances agree. disappointingly, she is commonly in the habit of regaling me with her days' events, even though i have no idea of whom any of those mentioned actually are. however, yesterday on my arrival from a reputed hard day at the metaphorical coal-face, she asked if i might pen a few words that she could pass onto the kids of what they should be most aware when cycling their bicycles, a request with which i was not only willing to comply, but one that i self-satisfyingly felt i was more than qualified to achieve.

unfortunately, my first question returned the answer i was hoping not to hear; asked when she required this information, she indicated it would be needed on thursday evening, ready to inform the kids on friday morning.

though i'd probably agree with the assessment that i am definitely not over-worked, at this particular time of year, i am currently assembling two successive issues of islay's community newspaper, given the lack of the usual intervening week; i am particularly poor at the art of multi-tasking. that has resulted in a gnawing desire to spend my evenings at present, watching wholly unchallenging television, if only to give the grey matter a few hours of drivel. however, recalling that baldrick from the tv comedy, blackadder invariably had a cunning plan, i opted to foster one of my own, the results of which you are about to experience.

suppose i turned the tables and enquired of my reader just what points ought to be made when attempting to inform a group of three to four year-old children as to the principal points of velocipedinal knowledge? from my own point of view, given that the majority of parents are inclined to purchase bicycles that are too large for their offspring, principally on the basis that "they'll grow into it." that might prove a practical option for teenagers, larger children who have the strength, ability and lack of perspective to attempt to ride a bicycle almost two sizes too big. not something that should really be imposed on kids less than half their age.

so, while those small children are unlikely to have had any say in the size, type or colour of bicycle with which they are presented, it should probably be pointed out that any bicycle they find themselves astride, should allow for the placement of both feet flat on the ground, or, at best, one of those feet. young children are apt to embrace the unpredictable; should they decide to come to a sudden and complete stop, it is better that they avoid falling over sideways.

and while we're on the subject of coming to a halt, so doing almost certainly requires correctly adjusted brakes. and not just having the brake shoes correctly adjusted, but the reach of the lever(s), allowing little hands to actuate the brakes in the first place. and should the worst happen and the child does actually fall over sideways, the wearing of an appropriately certificated helmet. if that helmet happens to resemble a duck's head or has furry ears, so much the better.

it probably should also go without saying that the tyres ought to be correctly inflated; from my experience, one of the most commonly neglected aspects of sending kids out on their bicycles. it's probably a bit too early to demonstrate how to correctly and efficiently, change an inner-tube, but i think it's a valuable lesson to at least show them how to check, and have an adult take care of inflating to the correct pressure.

as billy connolly is famous for including in at least one of his comedy routines, the fact that "the nights are fair drawing in", would surely entail that at the very least, wheels and pedals ought to feature reflectors: 'see and be seen'. i'm presuming that there are no parents likely to allow their young offspring to ride alone at night, therefore obviating any pressing requirement for front and rear lights.

that, quite honestly, is all i've got, so i look forward to mrs washingmachinepost returning from school to inform me that the kids were attentive and spellbound while she expounded a hopefully more entertaining version of what i've just said.

i don't hold out too much hope.

friday 5 december 2025

can't get no satisfaction

allow me, if you will, to enter the realm of the hypothetical. for narrative purposes, i'd like you to imagine that i'm in the market for a new, off-the-shelf cyclocross bicycle, intent on replacing my tried and tested specialized crux. as a regular viewer of televised cyclocross, i am aware that there seems to be little, if any, advantage professed by any particular marque, but as a luddite with a healthy respect for tradition, i have opted to aim for a ridley on the basis of their lengthy association with the sport. on the ridley website, leaving aside their configurator (which, under real-life circumstances, i'd be inclined to use), for the purposes of my hypothesis), we'll simply go for the stock offering.

on offer are two variants: the x-night rs bearing a price tag of £5,399 and the x-night sl disc at a far more amenable £3199. keen to avoid unnecessary ostentation, my hypothetical self would be most likely to opt for the latter, a bicycle featuring shimano's grx600 2x12. at this point, the hypothesis may come a smidgeon unstuck; in real life i'd actually put the web browser down and step away from the bike, intent on either finding a 'cross bike with campagnolo ekar, or a frame to which i might affix said groupset. however, to continue as we started, i'll pretend i'm ok with shimano, though if push came to shove, i'd be more inclined to favour sram.

and therein rests what i see as at least part of the problem. purely for your enlightenment, and by way of explanation, today's subterfuge was encouraged by an article on a velocipedinal media site, where the editorial team highlighted several gravel bikes which they had cherry-picked as due for upgrades in 2026. it had not previously occurred to me that such an article was in need of being written, but also led to the realisation that maybe bicycle purchasers, despite spending several thousand pounds, might not be entirely satisfied with their purchases.

though the only motor vehicles i have ever purchased were second-hand, and thus not subject to individual specification, i now wonder whether there are motorists, when choosing a new car, ask if they could have a model with upholstery in a different colour, floor mats in a contrasting shade, or alloy wheels featuring a different pattern. i'm aware that there are multiple options available when choosing a new car, but most depend on having a more robust bank account.

however, vehicular matters are scarcely of concern here, so i'll constrain myself to matters velocipedinal. it occurs that, if the aforementioned article is objectively correct, are those who recently purchased a 2025 version of one of the highlighted bicycles, now finding a hitherto unrecognised level of dissatisfaction with their purchase? as an overview of the upgrades the magazine staff expect in 2026, improvements to cable-routing at the stem, wider-range cassettes and installation of sram's universal derailleur hanger, are amongst some of the reputedly prudent upgrades. but were you already the proud owner of such as specialized's diverge, an ibis hakka, or a scott addict gravel, would you be avoiding the sunday morning ride because of such ommissions?

if the answer to the last question is yes - and i fervently hope, for your sake, that it isn't - what is wrong with you? granted, convoluted cable routing at the stem can result in additional expense for a bike-shop service, but standardising it across all brands is unlikely to change that. and how many of us question our life choices on learning that the transmission-side dropout does not feature a sram logo? it seems far more likely that said article was the result of a slow news week and the need to fulfil a quota.

at the risk that this may say more about me than it does about the bicycle industry, as a sweeping generalisation, i have learned that, when the manufacturer or distributor sends review samples accompanied by a sincere desire to hear what i thought of the product, it may come as something of a surprise to discover that rarely did they ever really mean that. let's face it, nobody designs and builds a bicycle or dye-sublimates a jersey in isolation. there are design meetings, focus groups, prototypes, pre-production samples, marketing decisions and final sign-off. by the time these things reach the cycling media and expectant customer-base, everything is pretty much set in stone.

and the timescales employed by the majority of manufacturers dictate that next year's bikes were probably prototyped in late 2023 or early 2024. so an article published on 2 december 2025 is unlikely to garner much attention in the towers of decision.

so, following the frenetic stripping of wrapping paper on 25 december, providing it's the right colour, the right size and has a functioning groupset, just shutup and ride.

thursday 4 december 2025

do as we say

in the years when i still lived at home with my parents and younger brother, he and my dad were both die-hard football/soccer fans, each supporting a different local team. my father showed support for ayr united, while my brother was (and still is), a kilmarnock fan, despite having lived in the far south west of england for most of his adult life. in presumably an agreed pattern, when one team was playing at home, the other would have an away match, meaning, in the days befiore wall-to-wall, every day football matches, they would be out each and every saturday afternoon at either somereset park, or rugby park.

the pattern was always the same: at lunchtime, we would have to suffer through an endless stream of pundits telling us which team was likely to win, across the whole of the scottish and english leagues. father and brother would then depart in all weathers to visit whichever stadium they were due to attend, before returning around 4pm. no matter which tv programme either my mother or i were watching, it was immediently relegated to the unimportant pile, while the channel was switched to allow them to watch the day's results, followed by highlights of a whole slew of football matches, usually accompanied by the sound of the lunchtime pundits explaining how and why they had managed to get things so, so wrong.

i would very much like to have typed a sentence/paragraph consisting of only two words (the end), before moving onto a more pertinent subject, but sadly, the football results were very much not the end. around 9pm or 10pm on saturday night would be broadcast match of the day, though rarely confined to a single match. since my bedroom was immediately adjacent to the sitting room, whatever i may have busied myself with at that time of the evening, it would take place to the soundtrack of (mostly) my father shouting at the television, expressing his displeasure at a missed opportunity, or, more likely, a questionable decision made by the referee. his strength of conviction could be measured by the volume at which the television was shouted at, exclamations designed to indicate the veracity of his own views on the subject.

to this day, i cannot exist in a room when a football match is being broadcast, even though there is little chance of anyone in the croft criticising the referee. i find football crowd noises every bit as excruciating as rave music.

thankfully, neither of my children ever reached the state of expressing more than simply a passing interest in soccer, though i believe my daughter now lives with her two sons and a husband who are utterly fanatical about one of scotland's top two teams. i can only hope they opt not to visit for christmas, for there's bound to be a football match forming part of the festive season. thankfully, my cycling obsession has never reached such proportions. cyclocross crowds tend mostly to accompany the sport with more musical cowbells, and i have long been of the persuasion that whomsoever crosses the line first, is quite probably the best on the day. there may be certain riders whom i would like to win, but fanaticism has no place in velocipedinal sport. it's all about the thrill of the chase.

and though cycling has replaced the referee with uci blazers, i have never found it necessary to shout at them as they perform their often mystical duties. though i have many a long year of experience within the realm of the bicycle - i've been writing this stuff for almost thirty years - i do not run a cycle manufacturing business, i have never pinned a number on my back, and i do not sell or design cycling apparel, if nothing else, underlining why i ought not to undermine the marketing or manufacturing strategies espoused by those who do. sadly, i am aware that i have a tendency to do so more often than i should.

however, with the recent news that campagnolo intends to dispense with the services of a substantial number of its employees at its vicenza headquarters, already the vultures are circling, though not necessarily to celebrate the demise of the most storied of component manufacturers, but to give their expert opinion on where campagnolo went wrong, and what they should now do to ensure their continued existence well into the future. unfortunately, the cycling media have been killing off campagnolo for decades, and often seem exasperated that just at the last minute, vicenza introduces a serious bit of kit that ensures its continuation in the short-term.

this has been common practice through most of the twenty-first century, undermined once again by the recent upgrades to wireless super record. common consent would seem to agree that campagnolo has out-shimano'd and out-sram'd their nearest competitors, though it has simultaneously been pointed out that they appear to have neglected the entry-level and mid-range in the process (an accusation which vicenza has body-swerved by admitting that just such products are in the pipeline).

given that campagnolo has been in existence since the early part of the 20th century, providing it with more experience than the combined might of its two nemeses, i'm inclined to think that the company is well aware of its shortcomings and what might prove pragmatic to solve them. the last thing it needs, is people like me, or other well-meaning cycling editors and journalists telling them what ought to be its next step. however, the world doesn't work that way; after all, there are still many football fanatics who shout at their tv sets, or catcall the referees during matches.

i don't think that'll change.

wednesday 3 december 2025

the bicycle as art

the bicycle, if you will allow such a generalisation, is, by and large, aesthetically pleasing. the double-diamond frame exhibits a certain stability of form, giving rise to confirmation that it does indeed follow function. granted, there have been a few tweeks along the way that may, or may not, bolster that functionality, but more than likely are of purely aesthetic value, masquerading as vaguley functional. within this particular paradigm, i am of course, referring to the dropped seatstays and integral cabling. i also harbour doubts over the change from the steerer/headset combination to something more akin to a hinge.

there have been numerous projects over the past few decades where reputedly bona-fide visual artists have been let loose on all manner of bicycle frames to create so-called works of artistic value. on occasion, those experiments have veered perilously close to dadaist, marcel duchamp's, exhibiting of a urinal in a french gallery. it often seems nowadays that, if an individual of reputed integrity classifies an object as of artistic value, the great unwashed are inclined to accept their word for it, and worship at the altar of velocipedinal art.

esteemed american frame-builder, richard sachs, has long identified his bicycles as tools intended purely for their original purpose, while many of us, bereft of his long-acquired skills in brazing, are apt to view them as the pinnacle of the framebuilders' art. if nothing else, that would possibly support the notion that art is in the eye of the beholder. and i do not believe that there is a page in the rule book disclaiming that functional items designed for a specific purpose, can also be regarded as art. (though there may be a paragraph or two indicating that art does not necessarily qualify as functional).

shortly after i finished art college, i visited a diploma exhibition in the former third eye centre in glasgow's sauchiehall street. one of the exhibits consisted of an office filing cabinet in which each drawer was open by a diminishing amount. the bottom drawer was fully open, while the top was only partially open; the two in between were opened in proportional amounts. each drawer was half-filled with water and inside each were rolled lengths of carpet. even as a recent art student still possessed of an unhealthy degree of pretentiousness, i could not then, nor presently, figure out what the heck that was all about.

at least bicycles are comprehensible, even if some of their associated technology is highly confusing.

viewed from a different perspective, the recently held rouleur live exhibition could be seen as an artistic endeavour, with carbon frames mounted on plinths with exorbitant price tags and several to be seen from a distance, roped off to prevent roving hands disturbing the feng shui. the sunday peloton recently questioned the purpose of high-value carbon fibre, given the possibility of accidental damage or theft; in both senses of the word, can those in cities or urban areas really afford to store or ride near £20,000 worth of bicycle?

however, the above is essentially collateral resulting from the manufacturers' attempts to gain column inches, or persuade us that the state-of-the-art machinery created for our world tour heroes, is actually well-suited to our own abilities, providing, of course, we have the requisite depth of pocket. but it seems that the bike company formerly owned by ernesto, is intent on separating form from function, as it offers four self-defined bicycle icons for auction at sotheby's auction house during collectors' week in, of all places, abu dhabi. i can't help thinking that italy might have been a more appropriate location.

the online auction ends on the evening of friday 5 december and consists of the y1rs ridden by tadej pogacar in this year's tour de france, the first numbered c68 rossa offered during the vuelta and exhibited at rouleur live with a price tag of £19,999, a c35 colnago/ferrari and a steel track bike built to eddy merckx' 1972 hour record specifications. it seems very unlikely that the purchasers of each of those iconic colnagos will ride them anywhere other than a turbo-trainer in the sitting room, or simply hang them on the wall of the mansion they must surely own to be able to afford their purchase in the first place.

art for art's sake, but not for riding in the sunday peloton.

tuesday 2 december 2025